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EQUITY UNCLE Volume 9, Issue 8 Dear Equity Uncle, With the approach of Law Ball 2016, I would like to enquire: will the LSS be providing safe snorting rooms? Mono Nostril in Brighton Dear Mono, Equity is not deaf to the chatter in the halls of the law school. The Ball is a truly special event, one which gets one’s heart a-twitter (and for some, one’s pupils dilated and one’s teeth clenched). It is a time of year when the question “whose holding” gives way to the entirely more interesting question: “who’s holding?” Equity understands that, like some kind of Pavlovian dog, you must be taught to subconsciously associate late nights and business attire with a giddy high—whether that comes in the form of a cheeky Shiraz, an intravenous drip of espresso, or something which has passed through the digestive tract of a curiously well-travelled South American. Otherwise, how will you survive in The Firms? Equity, like a concerned but understanding parent, only hopes that you will exercise some restraint. Equity would hate to see you go down the ‘Requiem for a Dream’ path, and end up soliciting in a rather different sense of the word. With respect to your proposed room, Equity certainly sees the merit in it. The bathroom is hardly a place for such things: hygiene issues aside, one is exposed to the judgmental micro-aggressions of the cohort’s teetotallers. Harm reduction is very much Equity’s bag. However, Equity regrets that the right to get gacked exists only in posse—thus it can offer you no remedy. That said, Equity does not assist those who slumber on their rights: perhaps it would be best if you contact the LSS directly. Yours etc., Equity Uncle  The rest of this week's issue:
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