RILEY ANNOUNCES PRESIDENTIAL RUN

Vol 12, Issue 12 (!!)

RILEY THE JURIS DOGTOR

You’ve heard before, but you’ll hear it no more – “I’m not voting in the LSS elections because I don’t have a dog in the fight!”
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Unenthused? Disengaged? You think voting doesn’t make a difference? You’ll feel that no more as you, (also my campaign slogan): “Get RILED Up!”

Yes, I am announcing that in 2018, I will be voted in by you, the Humans of Melbourne Law School, as your 2019 LSS President. I will also be applying for Valedictorian and intend to take the position of Dean if it remains unfilled.

Am I announcing too early? Are election seasons getting longer? It took a while for Americans to accept that a Cheeto could indeed be president, so I understand that it might take some time for you to embrace a canine overlord. But you’ll have to, if you want to Make MLS Great Again.

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Awesome cartoon by Jenny Au, a third-year JD student

And look, I hear it – a DOG? As PRESIDENT!?  And to those worries, I say, lay on your back while I rub their bellies and assuage their concerns. After assembling a team of expert puppy interns (NOT unpaid – they all received biscuits) we have gone through the LSS Constitution (unamended since 1857) and it states “All JDs are eligible to apply.” Given that I am the Juris Dogtor, I can run (can you fault my legal reasoning?). The faculty is aware of my campaign, and I am the official De Minimis endorsed candidate for next year (as the only announced candidate).

It’s sometimes said that the LSS elections are just a “popularity contest”. But why are we so dismissive of that? Until the law school creates some sort of Electoral College or other representative mechanism, the person/animal with the most votes must win. And what could be more popular, more of a uniting force, than a literal dog? The other students in your cohort, they can be hard to reach sometimes… going to moots, going to interviews, saying they have to “study”. Who can you count on? Riley, that’s who – I’m there every Thursday, reliably tail wagging, ready to catch tennis balls and add a boost to your day.

Have you had it ruff? Things will be different around here, announcing my policy platform:

1. Animal law will be not just an available elective, but a compulsory subject
2. Property law will have a greater focus on negotiating leashes
3. Introduction of ability to complete course in a “dog years” schedule
4. Subwoofers to be installed on each floor of the law school to maximise partying potential
5. Phresh Thursday is now Phresh Everyday
6. The Corkman to be rebuilt as the Corkman Irish Pub & Kennel
7. Purely Dicta to be renamed Purely Dogta as a voice for animal students
8. Whatever it takes to make things a little more pawsome around here – get in touch with any ideas!

Does that sound as good to you as it does to me?! I hope you’re as excited as I am. XOXO, Pugs and Kisses, your 2019 President, Riley.
Don’t forget, get riled up! ​

Riley is the MLS wellbeing dog and a very good boy

More articles like this:

• Equity Uncle: Riley
• Equity Uncle: The LSS Leadership

The rest of this issue (:O!) ​

• Choose Your Story
• So Long and Thanks for All the Fish
• Assessments Can Be Done Better
• On Free Will
• You Can Commit to Justice in Your Career
• Chatting is Bullshit
• Lockheed Martin: Research and Warfare