THE LSS LEADERSHIP: EQUITY UNCLE SPECULATES

EQUITY UNCLE
Volume 8, Issue 7
The last eight years of political turmoil have made it abundantly clear that no single leader can hold office for an entire term. Thus, with this week’s LSS elections decided, MLS students are already turning their minds to the bigger question: Who shall replace the incoming ruler to be the next, next LSS president?

The Law School is awash with rumours. Chief among those is talk that current LSS president, Matt Pierri, is amassing his loyal troupe to launch a counter-move once his own  overthrow is complete.

When questioned by De Minimis of his intentions, Pierri responded that he would “serve loyally under whomever the student body chose to elect”.  The familiar rhetoric is made all the more unconvincing  by incoming reports that he recently created a dog blog.

Whilst the outgoing President is still polling as favourite, the MLS HR department has shocked the student body by publicly throwing its own support behind Riley, the Juris Dogtor. The move comes as a surprise despite months of television and billboard advertisements featuring the beloved canine. 

The mythical Anesti may still have leadership potential despite having fallen out of favour in recent times due to a lack of updates to online notes. Whispers have been heard in the MLS corridors of the Law School Choir running on a joint ticket, and security guard David’s moustache has been trending well on social media.

The De Minimis editors have been approached on numerous occasions and more specifically, calls are growing for Equity Uncle to throw his own fedora into the presidential ring.

Outside the MLS, the usual characters have shown interest in ousting the incoming President. Kevin Rudd has been spotted advocating on CNN, and Malcolm Turnbull has expressed some dissatisfaction with  his new position as PM. “As a lifelong republican, I have always aspired to presidential glory,” he declared.

Turnbull has also helpfully drawn a series of crayon pictures to aid female MPs who may be interested. Unsurprisingly, there was zero uptake, but Tony Abbott was found surreptitiously considering the pieces.

The overwhelming spirit of treachery only a few days after voting finished has caused questions to be asked of the LSS over whether two votes should be held simultaneously – one for the incoming President, and one for his/her backstabbing successor.

‘The idea has certainly come up in meetings,” stated Pierri. ‘The important thing is to ensure a strong mandate in both elections, in order to avoid an unwanted third round of voting.”