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Vol 12, Issue 10 YUJIE DU I noticed a social discussion online last week, someone asked: Some parents respect LGBT groups, and even support same sex marriage. But at the same time, they do not want their children to be LGBT. Why is this? One reply to the question made a lot of sense: Parents themselves may consciously understand and accept that LGBT is just a different lifestyle. (The article did say that being LGBT was a 'choice of' lifestyle. The author requested the edit to clarify the wording of her piece. She did not intend to suggest that being LGBT was a choice, nor is there anything wrong with being LGBT) However, they are afraid that their children may have to suffer too much after choosing to be one of them. The concerns come out of parents’ love and care for their beloved and the pressure comes from the outside – the whole society.  Cartoon by Tam Charlwood Same kind of social pressure is on a woman throughout her lifetime.
Instead of a truck she may get a doll at 5 – “a girl’s toy”; Instead of playing footy, she may have go to some dance classes – “activity suitable for girls.” How many girls choose a major in math or computer science? – “Girls are not good at math and computer stuff.” How many women have to sacrifice a job to look after the family? – “Women should be the one to do the house chores.” Do women have to change their family names after marriage? – “Probably yes.” Can you say all these happen out of her own will? Are there any social stereotypes effectively playing in all the situations? When her parents let her choose between a Barbie and a Teddy Bear, can you say she has the ‘freedom’ of choices? Sadly, in most cases, the girl follows the guide of social rules to grow up as a ‘typical girl’. Laws as normative rules are so much simpler compared to social rules, considering the latter are invisible in a sense that they are not written down and even not noticed by people when they comply with them. Acknowledging that all people are equal in legislation is only the first step to promote equality. More importantly, how are we going to fight against the complex, implicit unfair social rules when most people just subconsciously conform to them without a question? Fighting against those unfair stereotypes involves the whole society. Because social equality concerns everyone, including men. When there are certain ways of living for everyone in different phases of life, everyone is constrained to the extent that any behaviour away from the ‘normal practice’ would receive pressure and criticism from the society. This pressure forces people to stick to the stereotypes, hence in fact, restricting our freedom. Thus, although we ensure equality and freedom by law, there’s a long way to go to achieve real equality. We are not alone in the world and we’re not free. We may never gain absolute freedom as long as we are members of a community. But I would love to have more options. To achieve that, we should allow and welcome ‘abnormal’ conducts in breach of the social norms – Being LGBT, girls having a boy’s hobby, boys doing a girl’s job, etc. After all, each departure from the social rules is an attempt to expand our landscape of freedom. Yujie Du is a first-year JD student The rest of this issue:
Huh?
3/10/2017 09:08:18 pm
Umm except that departure from normative rules you mention isn't a choice, and it's pretty atrocious to suggest that it is. This is a bad article and you should feel bad.
Yujie
3/10/2017 09:29:06 pm
I did not suggest that the departure is not possible, nor did I suggest the departure is rare. I only state the fact that people sometimes do comply with the social rules subconsciously. It's the fact that people would feel pressure from the outside when disobey the norms. If I did not make this point clear, I apologize. But that's not what I meant.
Baby I may or may not have been born this way. Hypothesis require further testing and subjection to rigorous peer review.
3/10/2017 11:23:07 pm
See 'consider' below. There is no reliable evidence for either homosexuality being innate or being a result of something else. Anyone who claims it to be an indisputable fact that homosexuality arises and ONLY arises at birth/in the womb, is more likely to have been listening to a Lady Gaga song than reading scientific letersture
Not a choice?
3/10/2017 10:19:16 pm
Yujie
3/10/2017 10:31:00 pm
Oh, I got your point. Should have been more careful on that. Thank you for pointing it out.
Consider
3/10/2017 11:18:57 pm
The only way it could be damaging is if it is a choice, you are implying it would somehow be wrong to choose it.
Good comment
3/10/2017 11:27:48 pm
I agree completely with 'Consider'. The commenters criticising Yujie for implying it's a choice are the real bigots; they're suggesting that being queer would be unacceptable unless it was a fate thrust upon someone from birth with no say on the matter like a disease. Instead no! If you're gay, have pride in who you are! Maybe there is an element of choice in the embrace of an LGBT lifestyle; maybe there's not. Maybe it differs for people or there's a grey area or spectrum!
Yujie
4/10/2017 12:26:05 pm
Exactly what I wanted to say! Thank you for explaining it.
A Non
3/10/2017 10:45:59 pm
Yujie, you make some good points about the ways that society forces gender roles on top people from an early age, but I think the suggestion that being LGBT is a “different personal choice of lifestyle” is highly problematic to say the least.
Yujie
3/10/2017 10:55:35 pm
I realised that. So sorry. I would like to correct my words.
Commenters missing the forest for the trees
3/10/2017 11:23:02 pm
The real point is that it shouldn't matter whether it's a choice or not; we should be accepting of LGBT folk regardless. If being queer is how someone's born, fine. If it's what they choose, fine. I'm not trying to be glib. I understand the concerns and implications that flow from an implication that it's a choice. But you also need to read language in context. Yujie is acknowledging the social pressures marginalised groups are subjected to. The origins of "why" someone is queer is a far, far less important point than how they should be treated.
Yujie
4/10/2017 12:29:02 pm
Thank you so much for your support. I would like people to focus on my main argument. I will pay more attention to the wording.
Support one another don't tear us down
4/10/2017 07:37:27 am
She has already apologised for the miscommunication of meaning surrounding the word "choice", and I believe it is genuine. Instead let's look forward to the intended meaning of the article rather than tearing someone down for errors of language with no malicious intent!
Yujie
4/10/2017 12:32:45 pm
Thanks for the encouragement. I will keep writing. I respect all the honesty showed by the comments. For one thing, I do realise the wording problem. For another, I got the genuine support from you guys, thank you again! Comments are closed.
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