Top Headlines at MLS

Issue 10, Semester 1, 2019
X. TRA

*Due to lack of funding, no actual articles will accompany these headlines.

1. GLSA not really sure what to do about ‘weird old man’ attending their events.
2. Student politely asked to leave level three library until their breakdown subsides.
3. First year questions his own morality while enjoying the catering after a presentation he didn’t attend.
4. Dialogue consisting of students lamenting their tiredness signals conclusion to conversation.  
5. Second year marvels at how little she has accomplished this semester, despite committing her entire life to the JD.
6. In response to mounting criticism, Porta Via to implement new policy of ‘not giving a fuck’.
7. Third year eagerly anticipating exam season, so she has a valid excuse for why she doesn’t have a social life.
8. Man wears athletic clothing all day to ensure others are aware of his commitment to the gym.
9. Fourth year admits that his suggestion to ‘grab a beer sometime’ after running into old friend was merely an excuse to get out of awkward exchange.  
10. Shame and humiliation haunt abled student after taking the elevator from the mezzanine to ground level. ​

X. Tra is a Third Year JD Student