Think Twice about Paper Towels

Issue 4, Semester 2, 2019

ANONYMOUS

Paper towel vigilante signing in. 
Recently I’ve undertaken some investigative journalism, with quite shocking results, and I think you all should know. Not everyone reads all the signs in the bathrooms, but I do as I must relieve myself on the hour, and it can get lonely in there. Plus, I don’t want to make eye contact with people (side note, does anyone play that game where you try to get into the loo before anyone leaves it and then leave before someone who entered after you leaves? Not relevant to this. Sorry. Very distractible). The point is that there are some common courtesy instructions regarding our towel usage, which seem to be going unheeded around here. 

Now, those white dispensers, contain admittedly thin and weak drying implements. I imagine that one is supposedly meant to be enough to dry your hands. It might be if you jazz-hands a little before reaching for those gorgeous white squares, and you suck the pap of that baby dry (or wet, whatever). I use one towel because I like my hands a little moist (don’t call me mean names please). I understand if people need two towels but recently, on one of my… sojourns, I noticed someone taking FOUR, yes FOUR towels. Why? For each phalange? To feel privileged? Because you CAN? 
In a world where we’re already annually using more the natural resources than the earth can produce per year, my personal opinion is that this is a little unnecessary. Don’t just carry the keep-cup; turn the tap off while you’re brushing and use an appropriate number of paper towels. Please.  
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That’s the first thing I noticed. Paper privilege. The next is the bins, with the new blue and green signs on top of them. I know that a lot of you haven’t read these signs because I’m seeing shit in the wrong containers. There is now a special bin for paper towels and one for your other hunky junk. There’s a green sign above the bin for paper towels only, because all those towels are going to be used to create energy in a new (maybe even Chernobyl-y) trial of creating energy out of garbage. So, I just wanted you to read this, and think twice about those towels—once about how many you take, and once about where you throw it. 

Thank you.

Anonymous is a JD Student.