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The Clerkship Diaries: Commercial and Acumen

1/8/2016

 
ANON
Volume 10, Issue 2
My first Monday at 
Commercial & Acumen had proven an extraordinary success. Not only had I completed my first task with distinction (finding three grammatical errors in Major Procurement Contract), I was able to leave work at 6.15pm (early enough to appear well-rounded, yet late enough to intimidate the other clerks).
Picture
The commute home was nothing short of jubilant, although my throat was feeling sore, and my back ached slightly. But surely that would pass.

By the time I was in bed I had started to shake. My temperature rose and fell rapidly. I began to panic. I CANNOT get sick… I only have three weeks… Every day is essential! Cold sweat filled my bed.

By the morning I was feverish. My mind raced. I couldn’t think incisively, impactfully, pragmatically. I was useless. I couldn’t work. I called in sick.

At lunch-time I received a message from Only Bearable Clerk, “Want to grab lunch?”, it read. I responded, “I’m really sick, but hope to be back soon”. I tried to mute the panic gripping my entire being. “Don’t appear weak”, I whispered to myself. Five minutes later I got a reply, “No grad job for you. Just kidding haha. Get better soon”. Fuck you, Only Bearable Clerk. Fuck you.

As the fever got worse and two days of sick-leave came and went, my mind wandered. It wandered to what awaited me upon my return. I saw my supervisor. I saw her disapproving stare. I saw myself being lead down the 26th floor corridor, naked before The Practice Team. I heard a bell, and a chorus of voices as I walked…

* shame … shame … shame …*

… and on it went.

After four days I returned to work. “Don’t worry, you can’t choose when you get sick”, clerk after clerk comforted me, their delight cascading out of them despite their best efforts to appear sincere.

However, all things considered, the next week went well. My spirit began to return. I was impactful. I was incisive. I was pragmatic. I was back in the game.

The Friday of the penultimate week presented a new challenge. It was results day at University. I yearned to check. But it was dangerous. Another slip and my number would surely be up. At 5.30pm I decided to risk it. It would only take a minute, after all.

I navigated to the Exams and Results page and selected the Juris Doctor. The screen went white. In the reflection of my computer monitor I noticed a silhouette behind me. My stomach dropped. I swiveled in my chair, apprehensively. To my horror, there stood Silent Partner. “Ah, results day. How I miss it”, he sighed. “Well then, let’s see how you went”.

I turned back to the monitor and scanned the page. My stomach dropped to new lows. My first result read “Ethics – 73 (H2B)”.  “A 73? An H2B? That must be a mistake”, I thought… “I NEVER get H2Bs”.

To my surprise Silent Partner was smiling at me. “Your lowest mark. I take it?”, he asked. “Yes”, I replied sheepishly. “And in ethics too”, he smirked. He paused, and as he turned, he said, “I think you will fit in well here”.

Relief washed over me. Pride, even.

But somewhere, in the deepest recesses of my conscience, I thought that, just for a moment, I heard something. A bell. Some voices maybe. I felt exposed. But it was gone, merely a whisper on a gust of wind.

* shame … shame … shame …*

Have a funny clerkship story but still want a grad job? Send it to mlsdeminimis@gmail and we’ll publish it anonymously.

The rest of this week's issue:
  • Snow Camp 2016: The Skiquel
  • Should You Be Applying for Clerkships? An Honest (and unsponsored) Assessment
  • I’ve Been Wearing the Same Nail Polish Since Law Ball and Other Thoughts on the First Semester of the JD
  • My Anxiety and I Are Doing Great, Thanks
  • At the Movies: Ex Machina
 
More articles like this
  • The Clerkship Diaries: I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Nobody Cares
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Trump Card
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Lawtopia​
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Clerk v The People
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Welcome to the Jungle
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Penny Pincher
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Razor's Edge
  • The Clerkship Diaries: Mission Indispensable
Mary Michele
3/8/2016 03:03:43 pm

I'm replying to this article because I believe there are many students who may, after reading the article, feel like they need to be reassured. I usually don't reply to articles just because I don't agree with the content but there are cases, like this one when I feel that someone has to say something.

This is by no means a personal attack on whoever wrote the article, my objective is to let other readers and students know that the feelings and experiences expressed are incredibly unhealthy and should not represent the norm or a standard to aspire too. Indeed, I am not certain that this article is even real (De Minimis is this legit?)


If it is legitimate, then getting a 73 in a subject is a great mark and statistically speaking, according JD averages it is above the average and certainly nothing to be upset about. First years who have received their grades for the first semester should not let this anonymous person's experience effect the way they view themselves and their grades. I am in second year and like many others are considering applying for clerkships and trying to make the decision if corporate law is an area I want to work in. I have a strong sense of ethics, does that mean I have to stay clear of corporate law altogether? I don't think so.

The most confronting and disturbing parts of this article are those that reflect a complete ignorance for wellbeing. As law students we should not be supporting the kind of insular and self serving perspective this article provides. If we want to work in environments which harness growth and development and achieve results then we need to care about our wellbeing (that's a fact). If this is an issue in firms then the only way it will change is if graduates insist on supporting each other, working healthy hours and having a balanced life. Finally, 73 is a great mark and legal ethics is an important subject. Being sick should not be the end of the world and having hostile relationships with colleagues is not conducive to success and happiness.

Seriously guys, can we please change the way we think and act towards ourselves and others, no one is going anywhere if their self worth is measured in grades and they are willing to sacrifice their wellbeing and sense of self for an imaginary position at 'the top'. MULS is better than this.

Yep
5/8/2016 12:27:41 pm

Agreed, Mary. This person is a just a self-centred turd. Imagine getting a 73 in any subject in the JD! The shame!!! Lol

LIGHTEN UP
3/8/2016 09:29:15 pm

This article is satirical.

Non
4/8/2016 08:42:52 am

That's generous.

Robert
7/8/2016 10:42:10 pm

It's the usual tripe de minimis serve.

NOT-A-LAW STUDENT
3/8/2016 09:41:54 pm

This is why everyone hates law students...

wow
5/8/2016 12:30:53 pm

What a perfectly useless generalisation.

Robert
7/8/2016 10:42:59 pm

I'm a law student and I hate hate students

From the Author
9/8/2016 01:32:36 pm

Commercial & Accumen didn't offer me a grad position.

The joke is on me.

Is this satire or just karma?


Comments are closed.
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  • Home
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