Volume 20, Issue 3
We’re of course assuming that each sign is a barrister arguing as prosecution counsel for a vulnerable client before a jury in a criminal law case.
The peacekeeping trend-wearing Libras don’t want to be lawyers in the first place, let alone remain composed while arguing with people who can’t even agree on the facts. This is their worst nightmare realised. Pisces come in at a close second because their romantic and fanciful outlook on the world makes them prone to forget which set of facts they’re actually arguing for. The whole situation is very overwhelming and they refuse to Handle It. Aries comes in third for the angry tears they’d shed thanks to their complete lack of emotional regulation and propensity to throw tantrums when they don’t get their own way.
One might think Cancers would break down as soon as they set foot in a courthouse, but they are well practised at bottling up emotions so they remain composed just long enough to give the opening address. Leos would be relying quite heavily on their charisma over actual preparation, so once the defence counsel poke holes in their theory they’d lose all of their confidence. A fiery Sag can take the challenge of court in stride, but occasionally their impatience will get the better of them and they will need a brief recess.
Scorpios would take the intellectual challenge in stride, but after a particularly rough day a few tears may slip out on their way to the bathroom. Practical and precise, a well read Virgo may become very frustrated with a criminal case’s lack of respect for the truth, but will ultimately keep it together. While Aquarians deeply care for humanity, they aren’t so fussed with the well being of individual people, so their emotions are less likely to be involved no matter the outcome for their client.
Taurus are too stubborn and set on winning to worry about feelings, while Geminis will mask any feelings they have about the case in a thick shell of sarcasm and “but what about______”. And of course, it should go without saying that Capricorns are so internally anguished and externally cold that a Judge will twerk on the bench before they cry in front of a jury.