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Nuanced Misogyny: A lived experience

12/12/2021

 
Content warning: this article references experiences of sexism.

Prior to entering law school, I was told all sorts of cautionary tales. In particular, I was made well aware of the prevalence of sexism in the legal industry. As a woman who had already been in the workforce, I was aware of the various ways in which misogyny manifested and how people exercised it. I was also aware that being an outspoken woman of colour would attract additional hostility. 

I remember walking through those glass doors for the very first time, imposter syndrome gripping me tightly – a phenomenon that was not unusual for me. I expected it would last for my first semester and then slowly subside, but this time was different. 

Being a woman of colour, especially one who did not attend a select-entry or private school, in a prestigious institution proved to be far from palatable. As an outspoken individual, the feelings of isolation and consistent reminders that I didn’t belong became entrenched. The truth is, my very existence, particularly in an institution, is political. I am unable to exist without being a direct threat to the status quo, even though it is not of my own volition. 

In my first semester, a friend and I competed in Witness Examination. For the majority of our rounds, we had the same student judge. This same judge consistently referred to me as ‘Shriti’ even after being corrected multiple times. For reference, my name is phonetic (Srish-ti). There were a plethora of times I corrected this particular judge. Heck, I even inputted my pronunciations into zoom. Although I could not pinpoint whether it was due to my race or my gender that this conduct was repeated, it was a subconscious display of the judge’s discomfort with my intersectional existence. 

Although it would have been easier to smile and ignore, I repeatedly called them out and as a result I felt a sense of animosity from the judge. Since then, I was provided feedback at the end of our rounds that appeared highly arbitrary as it did not clearly demonstrate how I could have performed better. The only time my partner and I won a round was when we had a separate set of judges. 

I anticipate that people may think that is a situation of chance. However, let me draw your attention to the following. 

I remember the last round in which my partner and I participated, I was the acting legal counsel and performing cross-examination, judged by the same individual. During the cross-examination, I completely derailed the prosecution’s witness to the point that the witness demonstrated inconsistency with their witness statement. It was unequivocal to all parties that we had won. But no. We didn’t. 
I do not dispute that some rounds my partner and I competed in had rightful outcomes because naturally, there are always wins and losses. But to me, this particular moment seemed to confirm all my doubts about my existence being unpalatable. As I said, I can’t point to it purely being an experience of sexism or racism, but it was one to do with the threat of my existence. Of course, it is always nice to win, but I was enraged about something more insidious. As the astonished faces of the opposition demonstrated, everyone knew the outcome wasn’t fair. Either way, it was just a competition, and the judge was a student, so I let it go. In fact, later in the year and in a different environment, this student ended up redeeming themselves to me after getting to know me better. They also ended up calling me by my actual name. 

But, here’s the thing. 

Misogyny isn’t typically blatant, but because of its subtle nature, it can be even more sinister. It is often displayed through the subconscious reaction one has to women, even more so when they are outspoken women of colour. This is because misogyny works as a type of prejudice that functions in contempt of those who unapologetically operate outside of the patriarchal constraints that they are expected to. However, when you add other forms of prejudice a person with an intersectional existence is likely to experience, it is likely to cause significant psychological damage. 

In fact, one can like a woman as an individual, be well intentioned and still engage in misogyny. Because you can still belittle, humiliate and disrespect someone because anything disruptive to ‘acceptable’ power relations is threatening. Even without malice. 

I wish to say that my experience in my first semester was a one-off, but unfortunately not. I had this behaviour repeated by a tutor of mine. 

Similarly, I was called ‘Shriti’ for an entire semester, regardless of my correcting the tutor ample times and inputting my pronunciations on zoom. Everyone in class noticed it. Many remarked to me privately about it. But, my tutor did not change this behaviour nor hesitate to learn the difficult pronunciations of my male counterparts.  

Every week, I did the readings, prepared as best as I could and regularly contributed to class. Often, when I raised my hand to contribute, my tutor would respond to me with an ‘okay’. But when a man contributed and sometimes even made a similar point, was rewarded with an ‘excellent’ and further discussion. I remember one of my final classes, ironically on gender, I said something along the lines of “the onus falls on men to prevent sexual harassment in the legal industry by facilitating conversations with other men and strongly encouraging them to change their behaviour”. Once again, I was given an ‘okay’. 

There is no doubt that as future lawyers we will have to advocate for clients with vast lived experience that may differ from our own. By being transparent about our experiences, hopefully we can foster an understanding that involuntary factors are often at play for an intersectional existence – pushing them further to the margins. At the end of the day, to be empathetic will evolve us as advocates and we can start that journey here and now. This is why I’m sharing this. Because it’s important that we be able to hold others and each other accountable and most of all, learn.
 
Srishti Bali is a first-year law student.
The views in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of De Minimis or its Editors.
Grace B
12/12/2021 08:12:43 pm

Such a well written article on a really important but difficult to talk about issue. Thanks for sharing this.

Comments are back!
12/12/2021 08:33:02 pm

Oh awesome comments are back, can we keep talking about how De Min published a probably false defamatory attack on a fellow student and are yet to apologise or take the article down?

RE: COMMENTS ARE BACK
12/12/2021 08:43:32 pm

Not that the issue that you’re referring to should be ignored or swept under the rug, but the issues that Srishti has outlined need their own space and focus. De-railing this article to shift the spotlight away from women of colour and the experiences of discrimination that they face really isn’t appropriate and is pretty disrespectful.

Probably False
12/12/2021 09:30:45 pm

What do you mean "probably false" dafamatory attack. Why did you automatically assume that her experiences were false?

I hope you don't treat survivors of sexaul assault the same way

uhh
12/12/2021 10:22:23 pm

I believe this is the article OP was referring to:
https://www.deminimis.com.au/home/the-cost-of-clerkships


still want to support the article?

All about you
12/12/2021 10:04:39 pm

I think it took extraordinary courage for Srishti to post this. THAT is what we should be focussing on.

Kate
12/12/2021 08:55:56 pm

What a well written article thanks for sharing your experience!

Hiba
12/12/2021 09:25:05 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your experience Srishti. You have captured a lot of the emotions and the experiences black and PoC women go through, at the law school and beyond.

Also a public school, coloured kid
12/12/2021 09:40:31 pm


I can’t say much about your comp experience but I think I had the same tutor and I feel obliged to speak up for him.

I have a difficult name and people sometimes have trouble pronouncing my name correctly as well. But instead of getting angry at them, I simply correct them. If they continue to do it, I approach them privately and tell them again. It's not easy to remember and/or pronounce difficult names, let alone for a tutor teaching multiple classes of >30 people. Imo, and with respect, rather than writing an article disparaging the tutor, you should have approached the tutor privately during the semester and told him the same. Also, I don’t think its fair to interpret his ‘okay’ as an act of misogyny. I got plenty of ‘okays’ too.

There’s more than one of us?!
12/12/2021 10:23:41 pm

Wait...could it be that there is more than one coloured experience? As another poc woman with a tricky name I can’t say I’ve experienced misogyny or racism at the law school (thankfully), but I also think we need to appreciate that not all of us have the same lived experience for a number of different reasons and intersectional factors. Srishti is so brave for sharing this, it sounds like she corrected these people multiple times nicely and the respect still wasn’t shown in return. Let’s not gaslight our own folk - there’s enough white people out there already doing that :))

Support
13/12/2021 01:10:19 am

I can't speak for the comps issues either but I think I had the same tutor as well and, while I'm not in Srishti's shoes, the tutor did have a notably unique accent that I thought might have contributed to potential mispronunciations? There are often much simpler answers to these misunderstandings. He also responded 'okay' probably 90% of the time when people contributed in class. We had a lot of content to cover and a lot of people wanted to contribute, especially on the topic of misogyny, so there really wasn't enough time to thoroughly respond to most contributions.

There is likely a certain degree of interalised bias in MLS, but plenty of PoC are incredibly successful at MLS in regard to winning competitions and getting amazing marks. I obviously have no data to support this but I'd even guess that PoC are disproportionately successful. I don't want to diminish Srishti's experience, but there are plenty of other factors that might contribute to why someone might not respect you as a person that have nothing to do with race or sex.

NOT SUPPORT
13/12/2021 07:41:56 am

Although the intention of your comment is completely valid, I think you are actually diminishing her experience. As she mentions, it’s not purely about the experience of being POC but about intersectionality as well. It’s alarming that people are quick to portray that POC are successful in comps, get good marks but have no statistics to back that up.

Also, the fact that she’s also mentioned in the entire article that there are other factors at play highlight that you have totally dismissed the complexity. Some of these factors also include being an outspoken person. Some POC (myself included) have experienced what Srishti has on a smaller degree because I’m a very introverted person that is very risk averse and doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable being outspoken. This means that sometimes I am able to protected myself from this but also means I don’t feel comfortable speaking up in class or calling people out.

This is why what Srishti has done is pretty amazing and I wish I had the guts. She’s the exact person that we need to be getting behind because she is clearly paving the way for other WOC who will hopefully enter the profession in the future and NOT DROP OUT and become amazing advocates.

It’s also alarming that you’ve mentioned that POC are disproportionately successful, seems like you’re in a little bit of a model minority mindset there? If I were you I would really have have a long hard time of reflection on why you went out of your way to comment this. Your comment is very clearly micro aggressive and highlights your internal bias.

DIMINISHER ALERT
13/12/2021 11:56:58 am

Gosh, this entire comment is so patronising. "I'd even guess that PoC are disproportionately successful" is the exact type of thing that makes these issues worse. It's the fact that POC are expected to live up to their "model minority" stereotypes and god forbid they speak up as individuals who don't want others to endure the same kind of treatment. It is clear that POC endure various barriers in order to be "successful", and by saying comments like these you are diminishing Srishti's and the experience of other POC.

Responses are Ignoring the points
13/12/2021 03:24:53 pm

The point is that not every small mistreatment of someone has to do with their race or sex and it’s incredibly naive to jump to those conclusions. Also assuming that EVERYONE in class noticed your name and EVERYONE watching your comp was shocked at your loss is hilariously egotistical. Maybe she’s just not a very likable person to some people?

Labeling yourself as ‘outspoken’ and being a notably confronting individual in class, regardless of your race or sex, might win you points with certain people. Others will be put off by it, dismiss you entirely and ignore putting the small effort in to learn your name properly.

I’m aware that this won’t be popular but some of you need to stop blindly supporting claims like this and be more rational.

DEAR SELF APPOINTED ‘RATIONAL’ MIND
13/12/2021 04:21:21 pm

First of all, ‘rationality’ in such situations is so subjective. What you view as rational is purely based on your experiences.

Second of all, a person’s character can rub people the wrong way due to institutionalised racism and sexism which you diminish. It doesn’t have to be directly linked to sexism or racism, but because those power relations exist, being ‘outspoken’ or ‘confrontational’ like you mentioned can be very much informed by those measures.That’s why it’s subconscious and I’m guessing that’s why the article reflects on the subconscious way in which this impacts people? Often what we find unlikeable is a result of our own bias unless it is truly horrific (like a war crime, murder etc). So in that case sexism and racism is actually pretty relevant because it causes those biases that we don’t realise we have and why people might rub us the wrong way.

Maybe you are not really understanding the article properly and maybe inserting your personal beliefs into the equation. That’s not very rational is it.

DIMINISHER ALERT
13/12/2021 04:27:53 pm

Haha. The fact that your original comment conveyed that you were not ‘diminishing’ her experiences but have clearly demonstrated in this second comment that you are due to a personal vendetta. Now your original ‘rationale’ is not looking very logical is it?

ALSO ANOTHER PUBLIC SCHOOL, COLOURED KID
13/12/2021 11:49:41 am

If you think you had the same tutor you would have noticed her politely correct him (too many times) and everyone else referring to her by her proper name. There is NO excuse. I was in her class and painfully witnessed her trying to correct him multiple times.

The fact that you have also stigmatised her through saying "instead of getting angry at them", maybe consider that she did take all reasonable measures necessary that you might have also seen her directly state in the article. If only you were READING the article properly. Also, just because you are a coloured public school kid, does not mean you may not have internalised sexism or racism. It is out duty to look inward when we do.

Gaslighting
12/12/2021 10:16:34 pm

I was in Srishti’s class and she corrected him multiple times and I’m sure she also messaged him privately about it as well, if not raised it with him another way.

Also this comment just feels like a lot of gaslighting to me as every person’s experiences are different and I find it interesting that your first instinct was to defend the tutor rather than actively listen to Srishti’s experiences. If you read the article properly you would have seen that she explicitly mentioned that he didn’t have a problem learning the names of men with difficult names. From memory, there was another woman of colour in the class whose name he also constantly butchered.

He may have pronounced your name correctly but this does not give you the right to belittle Srishti’s experiences.

SRISHTI WILL NOT BE LECTURED BY SEXISM AND MISOGYNY
12/12/2021 10:28:39 pm

Wow Srishti. I always knew when you spoke in class that you were not to be messed with. Think the law school has uncovered the new Julia Gillard.

Nedaj Thims
12/12/2021 11:01:43 pm

Honestly, POC make an effort to learn a whole colonial language, together with properly pronouncing your names and then actually articulate points to mediocre white men who are there just because of their identity in the first place, and this is what we get. Y'all settlers got some cheek! Disrespekt is off the frigging charts, ffs

unnecessary
13/12/2021 11:10:05 am

Comments like this don't help anyone's cause or improve discourse in any way. If someone actually wants to improve their behavior and they read nonsense like this, they'll just be filled with animosity towards you.

nadej
13/12/2021 05:49:49 pm

ok boomer, be oppressive towards pocs and then not only not let them vent but also impose the burden of being nice to their oppressors.

its your responsibility to fix yourself and be decent, youre not doing me a favour chad

Hugh Jass
25/12/2021 05:48:02 pm

It's really difficult living in the best country in the world during the most peaceful & prosperous time in history isn't it?

AMAZING ARTICLE WRITTEN BY AN AMAZING PERSON
12/12/2021 11:03:31 pm

Srishti you are an amazing writer and radiate authenticity. Your article particularly highlights the struggles of many POC women in academics, especially women who are outspoken and will not confine to being submissive and letting things slide. I thank you for raising such important topics and creating space for other POC women.

ANOTHER WOC AT VERGE OF DROPPING OUT
13/12/2021 07:49:59 am

Thanks so much for writing this Srishti. Similarly to you, I had a similar experience with a tutor who would also dismiss me every time I spoke, which I struggled with in the first place. Weirdly, the tutor was also from the same ethnic background as me so it was weird that he chose to treat me that way given he should have easily known how to say my name. By the end of exam time, my confidence was completely diminished and I was seriously looking into other options. I am the first in my family to go to university and so doing this degree was a bigger deal than it already is. You don’t know how much you writing this has actually meant for me and hopefully other WOC that may have experienced something similar. Please keep speaking out about this, you are amazing.

Leah A
13/12/2021 12:16:30 pm

This is one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time. Thank you so much, Srishti, for writing such a raw and authentic piece that is true to the pervasive issues still clearly prominent. Having someone be genuine enough to share their voice and talk about such experiences is incredibly admirable and you are genuinely one of the strongest people I know. Thank you for starting such a necessary conversation.

ICONIC
13/12/2021 01:25:31 pm

So…. How do we sign up to the Srishti fan club?

Henry
14/12/2021 08:58:49 pm

Think we're missing the real point here- there are no jobs in law.

Your law school's statistics have been selectively compiled to chase up employed graduates- your chances of getting a job are very low.

Paying full fees- as ninety percent of you are- going into 140k debt for an industry with lower wages and employment than apprentices is a very very bad idea.

Its a shame we can't see the little smirks on the faces of the faculty/admin when they think about you are paying for their fifth investment property.

You guys are headed for financial disaster. You need to wake up.

He's back!
15/12/2021 10:59:05 am

Elaborate troll? Dedicated loser? Who knows! But he's back to tell you that you'll never get a job in every de min comments section!

Stooge
15/12/2021 11:56:50 am

Tell me you don't read the AFR without telling me you don't read the AFR

henry
15/12/2021 12:35:46 pm

I think we need to talk about the real issue here.

Taking out 140k in non dischargeable debt for an industry where there are virtually no jobs, is a disaster. And 90% of you are paying full fees.

If you're not top 20% of the class after first year, you are likely not getting a job.

Your law school's statistics have been selectively compiled to chase up employed graduates: the real prospects are much, much worse.

Its a shame we can't see the very private little smirks on the faces of the faculty/admin when they think about how you are paying for their fifth investment property.

You guys are headed for financial disaster. You need to wake up.

The 140k debt is for life.

Max Ferguson
15/12/2021 01:52:43 pm

Hey Henry, we’ve noticed you’ve commented on a few of our articles. We’d love for you to get in touch to have a proper chat about your perspective. Our email address is [email protected].

That said, we kindly request that you try to engage with the content of the articles you’re commenting on, to show respect to our contributors.

Henry
19/12/2021 06:03:44 pm

Whats ironic is how all the commenters here are all wise and oh so sarcastic about the foibles of others etc etc, yet you can't perceive that you are the naive marks of the biggest scam going.

You (ninety percent of you) are paying 140k in non dischargeable debt for a course that used to cost about 10k. The markup is enormous. Very few of you are going to get jobs, and the job statistics have been selectively compiled to chase up the employed graduates only.

If you aren't top 20% of the class after first year you are not going to get a job. And, unfortunately, 80% of you will not be in the top 20%.

You're paying for the admin/faculty's multiple investment properties and private school fees while destroying your own future. Shame you can't see the private little smiles on the faculty's faces when they occasionally think about you (and the full fees you're paying).

Law degrees are a scam. It is madness to go into 140k of debt for something that will leave you worse off. You are destroying your futures. Its time to wake up.

Henry
22/12/2021 01:17:21 pm

The other issue is that, apart from the 140-145k of non dischargeable debt that your law degree gives you, it also acts as a powerful career negative. You'll end up having to take it off the resume to get any sort of job. So not only are you in life ruining debt, but your destroying your future as well. If not in the very top of the class, drop out now.

Harry
23/12/2021 12:01:14 am

Shut up dickhead.

henry
23/12/2021 08:32:04 pm

I think, curiously, you've set up your own Stockholm syndrome here. By paying so much for your degrees- 90% of you will emerge with a 145k debt (for a course that used to cost about 10k total) you are conning yourselves that it is prestigious, that it must have value. Its like paying $10,000 for a half day typing course, then saying how elite it is because of the cost.

But, in fact, to get any sort of a job in law you will need to be at the very top of the class, (ie top 20% after first year) and first prize is then a graduate job earning maybe 40k (for a 70 hour week).

You are paying 10x the real cost of a degree which is essentially worthless, in a hopeless and permanently overglutted industry. Outside of that industry, a law degree is not only useless, it is actively a liability which you'll have to remove from the resume to even get an interview.

The staff of the law school find all of this (privately) hilarious. Most (non academic) staff at universities generally owe their jobs to nepotism or connections- they (rightly) laugh at education as being a waste of time, (and they are right).


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