Volume 19, Issue 7
In a move guaranteed to stoke tensions with the uni, the MLS Student Collective (MLSSC) today announced to pay for online classes in a manner more befitting their value.
Describing the decision as a “no brainer”, the Collective, which is comprised of all JD and MLM students, announced plans to pay for subjects undertaken online in the blockchain currency Dogecoin.
“Digital lectures, digital currency. It just makes sense,” MLSSC President Pippa Henkerston said in a statement. “The amount paid for each subject will be calculated at a very reasonable Doge-AUD conversion rate of 1:1.”
The University of Melbourne had not seen fit to lower fees as the change to online delivery took place last year, despite the qualitative difference in the service delivered. The new move is expected to cause friction with UniMelb administration, who are concerned the move may impact their ability to suck students dry.
“We are concerned that the fluctuating value of Dogecoin may leave our graduates with some measure of financial resources,” a spokesperson said. “A JD degree is designed to be the consummate money-siphoning tool. It is a financial Dementor’s Kiss.”
The uni also expressed concerns that the losses may impact their ability to keep their “state of the art” teaching facilities up to date. Many of the most expensive items, such as projectors and librarians, are in dire need of costly replacements, owing to the dust they have gathered over the past eighteen months.
However, Dr. Lotta Cashmonee, an expert in the field of digital economics, called the measure “appropriate”. “Although Dogecoin has for many years been seen by economists as a bit of a joke, the same can be said for online-only classes.”
Student members of the MLSSC seemed generally supportive of the move, with one first year telling De Minimis, “I now won’t feel quite so depressed when my professor can’t work out how to unmute himself on Zoom.”
“Maybe the doge can act as a therapy dog, to cushion the bonk for admin staff,” another student suggested.
“I’ve had to learn a lot of class content off YouTube anyway,” said a female third-year student. “Faculty could learn a thing or two about online presentation from AussieLawBandit22.”
Winston Baker is writing from a secure location.
The views in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of De Minimis or its Editors.