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Law Ball 2019 in Review

7/5/2019

 
Issue 9, Semester 1, 2019

CHARLOTTE DAWSON

Last Thursday night, members of our cohort gathered together for the annual LSS Law Ball, a strange ritual that has long puzzled anthropologists, and whose key function seems to be the transformation of tens of thousands of dollars of Centrelink Student Allowance into a year or so of collectively aggregated hangover. Some people might frown at the maldistributed priorities that comes with the week of fasting my friends and I undertook to squeeze into our dresses, and the volume of cosmetics we applied; which if ever accidentally dropped into the Yarra would constitute a mid-tier ecological disaster. However, what these detractors fail to realise is that powering through a hazy evening, using alcohol to push down your vague feelings of anxiety and career choice dissatisfaction is actually an important piece of vocational training for the next forty years of after-work drinks and uncomfortable cocktail parties that we’ll be subjecting ourselves to. So, for those who made the sensible choice to stay home with their cats and other assorted loved ones, I offer up the opportunity of a vicarious window into this year’s LSS Law Ball.
Picture
The Good

Libations

As usual, the best part of law ball began the second one walked in the door to be immediately presented with a selection of some of the finest function package wines and champagne to be found in Melbourne. Also, in addition to saving money on table service, the bar format meant that one didn’t even have to rely upon catching the ever elusive attention of wait-staff for refills – just a short battle through the throng of thirsty students and a quick spot of theatre to convince an underpaid convention centre worker that I was still sober enough for another brace of champagne sunrises. Thanks Gilbert and Tobin for subsidising my alcoholism.

Fire Dancers

Accompanying the drinks, came the evening’s entertainment. When I first heard about the fire dancers, my immediate thought was that they would just be another gimmick. After watching them, that remains true, but what I didn’t account for was the fact that occasionally gimmicks are FUCKING AMAZING. The flames weren’t the only thing making me flush as I watched them dance and spin through an incendiary rendition of Madonna’s Die Another Day. If anybody has the contact information of the bob-totting lead man in the waistcoat, let me know.

The Bad

Total Giovanni

Sadly, the main attraction, a duo from Melbourne discotheque outfit Total Giovanni was a letdown by comparison. I confess to not being the most fastidious follower of the music scene these days, so maybe tastes have changed, but to my ear the pair sounded nothing so much as a pair of hyped up frat boys who had just received a Fisher Price My First DJ™ set. I’m hoping that these pair were only playing because somebody’s mother owed somebody else’s a favour rather than for the kind of appearance fee equivalent to my next year’s food budget.

Male Fashion

Ok, so obviously it’s a bit unfair to lump all the Y Chromosomes into one category, and yes, there were more than a few pieces of haberdashery than turned my head (Mr. Blue Satin, you know who you are : ) , however when I’m four pinots deep, I begin getting judgey, and gents, just how many of you were going for the poorest-fitting-pants award? I don’t think we have enough prize money, but you’re all winners in my book. Now I know that not everybody can drop $400.00 on Afterpay to acquire a bespoke velvet tuxedo, but even an op-shop suit can look swanky as hell with the right tie and pocket square combo, as long as the thing fits. A few of you either need some lessons on dressing or are being a bit too optimistic about how well you’ve kept those summer bods into autumn. Also, to the boy who thought he could match the grey suit and lime green tie with his complexion – we both know your mother taught you better than that.

The Meh

Theme

I don’t get themes for formal events. What are they supposed to do? If you’re going to a costume party, or an era-specific food and music night, then sure I understand their utility, but what the hell does it mean for a ball to be Casino Royale themed anyway? Were those plastic playing cards and K-Mart poker chips scattered on our tables the extent of the decorations? When I go to something casino themed, I expect gaming tables, or at least some Bond Villain impersonators. Sadly, my appetite for Baccarat and Mad Mikkelsen went unsatiated. On the plus side, the smell of stale vomit and Jack and Coke at the after party was a surprisingly authentic recreation of the experience of being outside Crown at 3:00am, so credit where it is due.


Also, just when the hell is somebody going to have a masquerade theme for one of these things? Do you have any idea how much wearing a mask would save me on makeup?


​Charlotte is a Third Year JD Student.​
Really?
7/5/2019 05:27:26 pm

I was enjoying this article until the sartorial comments. What makes you think it's ok to single out a particular person's outfit, or to pass judgment on ball-goers' 'bods'?

This isn't a case of celebrities walking a red carpet. These are your peers, none of whom deserve to be shamed like that.

To the activities team - thanks for a fantastic night!

I agree
7/5/2019 05:49:02 pm

Very true! It's unfair to comment on people's bodies, which can fuel poor body image. People shouldn't have to look or dress a certain way to have a good time at a social event! I feel like De Min should have some editorial standards on this point.

yikes
7/5/2019 05:44:08 pm

100% sure that everyone that attended this ball absolutely turned it out, be they male or female, possessing a summer bod or not.
Huge props to the activities team for doing their darndest to give us a fab night to be shared with friends
Can we keep shaming fashion choices out of this newsletter in the future ty <3

Fasting for Fashion
7/5/2019 05:50:16 pm

Maybe if you ate some food in the past week instead of ‘fasting’ to fit into your ball dress, you’d be less cranky and we wouldn’t have to endure this miserable take on the night.

Glorifying an eating disorder isn’t cool, neither is mocking people for ‘not maintaining their summer bods’ or criticising their fashion choices (which, despite the throwaway reference to op-shops still came off as SUPER elitist).

Ball enthusiast
7/5/2019 05:57:07 pm

The amount of money you chose to spend on make up and how little food you choose to eat in the week leading up to the ball is your prerogative. No one forced you to do either of those things.

Imagine if a guy were to write an article passing judgment on what the girls were wearing that night? To single people out and personally criticise them is incredibly rude.

Complaining about the event and critiquing people using such a public platform belittles all the hard work the Activities team put into the event.

It was an amazing night, I hope this article doesn't make the Activities Team think otherwise !!

jeff
7/5/2019 05:59:12 pm

the only problem I had with law ball was that I could only get a James Boags, where was the red coopers!?

But on a serious note this author must be in the extreme minority who didn't enjoy themselves at a fabulous event with good food and great people.

Concerned Attendee
7/5/2019 06:55:06 pm

Agree with the other comments. Keep your thoughts about others appearances to yourself.

The only concern I had was that there was clearly a nasty bout of food poisoning going around after the entree. The queues for the bathroom cubicles were extremely long and some were suffering so badly that they needed to have friends come in to the cubicle with them.

Ellie
7/5/2019 07:03:24 pm

@De min, why have you published this including the criticisms of specific people's outfits?? It's really bloody mean

Joan Rivers
7/5/2019 07:58:14 pm

Such a great event and everyone looked great, even if their suit fit wasn’t up to the authors standards. We can’t scrutinise the boys if we don’t point out that black tie doesn’t mean cocktail dresses for girls- just saying

Bully
7/5/2019 08:18:16 pm

Pretty disgusting to see open hostility on this platform towards people's looks/clothes. Uni should be a place free of judgement, really disappointed to see this on here in such a nonchalant way. You are not being quirky, this is bullying.

Maybe just don't go next time?

Chill?
7/5/2019 08:20:40 pm

I for one have worn a $10 dress one year, a designer dress another, point is you don’t have to go to extreme lengths to look (and feel) good for law ball. Same make-up wise. I for one love everyone just doing their thing and dressing up for a night, why the need to be so judgemental? It’s nice to have a night (for me les be honest the only one this year) to really dress up! The activities directors undoubtedly busted their arses to bring the event together, how about a little gratitude?

Renzo Tweedie
7/5/2019 08:33:11 pm

Now I *know* she isn't coming for my look

Ayman
8/5/2019 02:19:35 am

She could NEVA

I get it
7/5/2019 09:06:00 pm

Fair criticisms mostly.

As for the fact that the blokes make less of an effort than the ladies....Next year, a prize for the loudest suit and tie?

Kevin Sebastian
7/5/2019 10:34:03 pm

I'll happily accept a belated prize for this year's ball.

Eliza L
8/5/2019 11:50:53 am

i think you're a top contender!!

You go gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl
8/5/2019 08:46:33 am

Haha body and fashion shaming is so funny when it is done by a woman towards a man haha xD

Le Chiffre
8/5/2019 03:23:20 pm

James Bond called, he wants his Aston back

eek
9/5/2019 03:22:27 pm

big ole yikes to this


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  • Home
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