Inhibiting the Blue Moods

2/5/2017

EUGENE TWOMEY

Vol 11, Issue 9

Every day, normally in the morning, I take a tablet containing 50 milligrams of Sertraline. I’ve been doing this for about a year now. According to drugs.com, sertraline is one of a group of drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Reassuringly, the way these drugs work is “still not fully understood”. They do seem effective, however, in treating conditions including anxiety and depression. While I still suffer from both to various degrees, the medication has made a considerable difference to the way I feel day to day.

Cartoon by Tam Charlwood

I decided to write this article because I feel that, while we are getting better and better at talking about mental health, there are probably still people out there who baulk at the idea of treating these problems pharmaceutically. For a long time, I had a reluctance to do so myself. Objectively, I lead a charmed life. I have a supportive family that are prepared to help me deal with my problems, whether emotional or financial. I find law school intellectually fulfilling, and I’ve been able to do well without sacrificing other things that are important to me. I have good prospects for the future, and at least for now have some hope that I will enjoy whatever I end up doing. I have a good circle of old friends outside this building, and while I’ve been here I’ve formed a lot of great new friendships. With all of this going right for me, I felt like I shouldn’t need to be on medication, that taking it would be an admission of failure.

Early last year, I began to second guess my reluctance. I noticed that what I thought of as “blue moods”, times when I felt increasingly isolated and depressed, were becoming more common. Despite believing, on an intellectual level, that I was enjoying my life, my emotional state was getting worse and worse. Feelings of isolation began to trigger panic, and recurrent unwanted thoughts about my own lack of worth became harder and harder to shake. Eventually, after seeing a family member get on the same drug with good results, I talked to my family, and then to my doctor. I began trialling Sertraline, and after the initial dosage didn’t cause any really heinous side effects, I began the daily routine described above.

Since then, my mental state has improved. While I haven’t completely conquered my demons, the worst effects of depression now manifest with far less frequency. I’m able to enjoy things more, and am less affected when things go wrong. The near paralysis I was experiencing during the worst times has become much less common, and when it does happen it’s normally because I got careless and missed a couple of days.

I don’t know whether my story will resonate for anyone reading, but I thought it was worth the attempt. If you think you might need help, please don’t think it is a failure to ask for it. I believe that self-care and meditation can be very useful, but I also feel that there should be no stigma on seeking other forms of help if you feel you need them. I consider myself an intelligent person, and for a long time I thought I could think my way around my depression. I now appreciate that, in my case at least, it doesn’t work that way. I needed something more, and my life has gotten better since I found it.

Eugene Twomey is a third-year JD student

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Henry

1/5/2017 11:37:24 pm

Well put Eugene :)

Tilly

2/5/2017 11:26:51 am

Thank you, Eugene. A great article which I am very glad you've taken the time to write. Like you, I thought I could philosophise my way out of the clinical depression I have by virtue of my family history. I've been on 100mg of Sertraline for a few months, after upping my dose from 50mg, and everything has improved as a result.

For anyone else who may be going through some form of mental illness, do try every avenue available to you--especially if you're finding that it is long term. It's amazing what sticks, sometimes.

Eugene

2/5/2017 08:52:01 pm

Thanks Tilly, glad to hear it's been helping.

Matt H

2/5/2017 08:34:54 pm

Great stuff Euge, Tristan would be proud :)

2/5/2017 09:58:15 pm

Thanks mate :)

Anon

2/5/2017 08:38:02 pm

Thanks for writing this. It's only recently hit me that I probably have depression and anxiety as well, and my life is probably objectively very good so I struggled (and still struggle) with realising that my feelings are legitimate and probably need to be treated. Good on you for writing this.

Sue

2/5/2017 08:59:18 pm

Thanks for sharing Eugene! We need more articles like this <3

Sertraline User - Bad Experience

2/5/2017 09:05:25 pm

I too, have used Sertraline in the past during a bout of depression and anxiety. I had overall a bad experience with it. Please do NOT take this post as taking away from the experience of Eugene or any of the other commenters above, or anyone who has had a positive experience with antidepressants. I merely want to highlight that not all experiences are the same and that it is not a cure-all, some may end up worse off for using it and need to consider the possible negatives.

I'm just going to be upfront with one of the negatives, as embarrassing as it is - it made it more difficult to perform in bed (I'm male) and this is a very common side effect (I understand it also lowers sex drive in women as well). When you've been stressed and anxious, having your capacity to be intimate with a partner worsened by the very thing that should be making you feel better is not a proud moment at all. The stress and embarrassment of this even made performance after getting off the drug more difficult as well because of the negative associations and paranoia of it.

Beyond just that, in some ways, the drug "worked" in the sense that it narrowed the highs and lows of your mood. But it also kind of made me feel numb and like a zombie; I felt kind of "fuzzy' with it too, and my memories of the time I was on sertraline are less clear than times before and after it. You will laugh less. You will be creative less. You will find less novelty and spark in life.

For me, things like meditation, exercise, friendships and living a balanced lifestyle have been much more successful in taming the "blue moods" than an antidepressant ever was. But as I said before, I know my experience may not match everyone's, and if you try antidepressants, your experience might be more similar to Eugene's - but then again, it might not be.

2/5/2017 10:07:45 pm

I definitely know what you mean. Having had clinical depression for a long while now, I've gone through the trials and tribulations of the medication/non-medication and which-kind-of-medication-at-what-dose racket. It has been exhausting.

The only thing I'd add is that, while you've noted this is not to detract from anyone else's experience, not one medication fits all, either. I'm glad you've found that meditation, exercise and balance have worked for you. It has for me in the past. But it only does so now in combination with Sertraline.

I am very wary of the idea that because one medication doesn't work, it's indicative of the idea that none of them will work. It's a trial and error process for sure, and I've definitely experienced most errors you can with antidepressants, but I'm more myself now than I am when I am too depressed to function. /2c

Liz

2/5/2017 11:34:05 pm

My worst experience from taking Sertraline was shitting my pants because I took it on an empty stomach. A mistake you make only once in your life.

Sexual dysfunction is a drag too but as a straight woman I've found that orgasm can be a little illusory at times anyway. You can roll with those punches though. It's fine to drop a game here and there so long as your season stacks up.

DM-Sama

2/5/2017 09:19:44 pm

Love you buddy

2/5/2017 09:58:43 pm

Praise from on high - thanks mate :)

2/5/2017 10:27:05 pm

Firstly thank you Eugene, you are so brave for doing this.

Just wanted to share my experience with Sertraline and treatments in general also for anyone else who may be interested

I've been on 150g Sertraline daily for approx 1 year to treat Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I previously took Escitalopram for 5 years but I found on higher doses it made me very dopey. Also it just wasn't really working for me anymore.

Sertraline has so far been good and I find that doesn't make me sleepy. I have side effects, but the majority of people I know on SSRIs do experience some side effects. However, the diversity of experiences in these comments show that everyone reacts differently to meds. If one isn't working for you, it's really worth discussing with your doctor or psychiatrist about trying a different one, there are so many around!

But for me personally, meds is only really a 1/3 of my treatment. The treatment that has been most effective and really turned my life around is intensive and continual mindfulness practice (particularly acceptance and commitment therapy - ACT) integrated with cognitive behavioural therapy. These are all skills that you can learn from a psychologist or psychiatrist, who you can get a referral from through your GP. Mental health care plans cover the bulk of the cost of psychs (more is covered if you are referred to a clinical psychologist rather than a health psychologist). Also, once you reach safety net with Medicare 80% of all costs are covered.

I hope this has been of some help to someone, best of luck to you Eugene, and thank you again for sharing this.

bart s

2/5/2017 11:19:18 pm

Hi anon - how did you go about finding a good psychologist to teach you these techniques? I've personally had a very hit and miss history with various psychologists (and that's inclusive of recommendations from my GP)
Cheers

3/5/2017 01:25:23 pm

I'm sorry you haven't had much luck with psychs, they are pretty hit and miss.

I was given names from Orygen Youth Health, and then my doc at the uni health service referred me.

I know that people have been happy with who the university health service have referred them to.

I also did outpatient programs at The Melbourne Clinic and highly recommend them!

Best of luck!

Another anon

5/5/2017 07:05:13 pm

Seconding the uni health service referrals. I've been going to VCPS in East Melbourne and what's great is that I got a referral to the clinic and not a specific psychologist. This meant that if I didn't click with the first one I could make an appointment with someone else on the same referral.
I can't speak for all of the GPs at the health service but I'll add that Dr Cluse has been wonderful with helping me get as treatment as possible bulk billed

2/5/2017 11:16:54 pm

Thank you for sharing! I agree that mindfulness can be really effective but sometimes to get to a place where you can be mindful and effectively practice mindfulness, you need something more. Nothing to stress about :)

3/5/2017 01:26:52 pm

Yes absolutely agree so much. that's what meds do for me - get me to a place where I can practice all the skills I've learnt

Ayu

3/5/2017 03:03:13 pm

Thanks for this Eugene!! In the same boat are you are, although I'm on SNRIs and the occasional dose of anxiolytics! Kudos for being open about seeking medical help for depression

Samuel

10/5/2017 09:39:44 am

Good stuff Eugene, its great to discuss and have an open discussion. Glad to hear its having a positive effect. It runs in the fam ;)

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