De Minimis
  • Home
  • ABOUT US
  • Podcast
  • Your Learned Friend
  • Anonymous Feedback
  • Art
  • Get published!
  • Constitution
  • Archive
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2017 >
      • Semester 2 (Volume 12) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8 (election issue)
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
    • 2016 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 9) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
      • Semester 2 (Volume 10) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8 (Election Issue)
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
        • Issue 13 (test)
    • 2015 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 7) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
      • Semester 2 (Volume 8) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
    • 2014 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 5) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
      • Semester 2 (Volume 6) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 12
    • 2013 >
      • Issue 1
      • Issue 2
      • Issue 3
      • Issue 4
      • Issue 5
      • Issue 6
    • 2012 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 1) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
      • Semester 2 (Volume 2) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12

Eat Sh*t

16/10/2018

 
Sem 2 wk 12

Anonymous Bowl Cleaner​

This piece purports to be a case summary of the seminal judgment,
Plaintiff Anonymous Bowl Cleaner v Non-Flushers (2018).

Facts
The plaintiff is an MLS student (negotiable) who drinks a lot of water (non-negotiable) and has a 3-hour break between classes on Wednesdays. The plaintiff goes to the bathroom … a lot.
Parties
  • Plaintiff: ABC (Anonymous Bowl Cleaner), author of this case summary
  • Defendant: If I knew who you were… angry react
  • Interveners: AGs for Vic, WA, QLD because they legit always slide in to Crommelin’s DMs #lawschoolhumour #savemeYing
  • Amicus curiae: Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission
  • McKenzie friend: Why not? Bit of moral support never hurt anybody.
Issue
Why don’t people flush?
Arguments
Non-flushers:
  1. I don’t want to wait the 5 seconds after I’ve already tried flushing to try again.
  2. I get a thrill out of flashing unsuspecting toilet-goers.
Relief/Remedies
  • Injunction
  • Throw in some damages, too.
Reasoning
FLUSHERS J
I have had the benefit of reading in draft the opinion of my noble and learned friend Lord Bad-to-the-Bowel , with which I am in full agreement and yadda yadda I’ve saved you 3 hours but sometimes I lie awake at night and think that maybe this is also why I’ll never have a C before my J.
LORD BAD-TO-THE-BOWEL
I’m down with the kids. Thus, I’m well aware that generations of law students will need to summarise my judgments for their exam notes. I’ve helpfully adopted IRAC in my reasoning below.
Issue I’ve just decided to roll with despite neither party actually raising this as something they want answered
Are there too many unflushed toilets in the bathrooms?
Rule
One per bathroom is fair. One per cubicle is the disappointing norm.
None would be great, fam.
Application
On the facts, I will summarise the characteristics of each floor’s bathrooms.
Ground Floor & Mezzanine: unflinching horror awaits you, but it’s anticipated from the moment you chose these bathrooms. There are paper towels and water droplets everywhere – honestly, it’s low-key kind of on you if you didn’t brace yourself for impact.
Levels 1 & 2: I applaud your shamelessness in having ablutions in the busiest bathrooms in the biz, sans a Japanese singing toilet to mask the blatant plopping noise. I must also commend your bravery in taking what I have to assume is a calculated risk in emerging from the cubicle without flushing and facing down the next lessee of this desecrated space. But it does beg the question - why???? Why, when the reputational stakes are so great and the exertion necessary to flush is so low, would you not? Why?
Level 3: This is very much the bathroom you let your guard down around before it decimates your mood with a sneak guerrilla attack of such length and girth you wonder if it came out as is or expanded on impact.
Level 4: I’ve never gone up the stairs in the library. I’d have to conceal my panting as a cough. Uncharted territory. May have to refer back to lower courts to get this evidence.
Level 5: You’re forgiven for thinking this floor is high up enough to be safe, but it is not so. Its close proximity to the kitchens make it a prime piece of real estate.
Levels 6 & 7: Nigh orgasmic, this is a sacred space of almost indecent luxury. O ye of plentiful toilet paper, near silence, sparkling porcelain, and no other cubicle occupants!
Levels 8+: Getting a bit too big for your britches, are we? I’m not worthy of these bathrooms. Threshold reqs make me underqualified by at least twoPhDs, and at least one of them from Oxbridge.
Conclusion
I can forgive a few skid marks. I can forgive a consistent, tacitly agreed upon floor wherein sh*t may truly hit the fan. But I will remember the betrayal of a normally spotless bathroom spoiled by a sight I was unprepared to inch forward and peer into the bowl to see.
Flush, you unreasonable, tortfeasing, punitive-measures-foisting arseholes.
Alice Kennedy
16/10/2018 09:00:13 pm

Very, very pleased to see that somebody is writing about our bathrooms again. Good on you for giving a shit.

Mr Poopy Butthole.
16/10/2018 09:16:31 pm

To be fair toilets these days dont flush like they used to. When I take a dump at home in my older model toilet the bowl remains pristine after a single flush, but when I do it at the law school it remains smeared all over the joint after even several flushes.


Comments are closed.
    Picture

    Archives

    December 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014

  • Home
  • ABOUT US
  • Podcast
  • Your Learned Friend
  • Anonymous Feedback
  • Art
  • Get published!
  • Constitution
  • Archive
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2017 >
      • Semester 2 (Volume 12) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8 (election issue)
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
    • 2016 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 9) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
      • Semester 2 (Volume 10) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8 (Election Issue)
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
        • Issue 13 (test)
    • 2015 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 7) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
      • Semester 2 (Volume 8) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
    • 2014 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 5) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
      • Semester 2 (Volume 6) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 12
    • 2013 >
      • Issue 1
      • Issue 2
      • Issue 3
      • Issue 4
      • Issue 5
      • Issue 6
    • 2012 >
      • Semester 1 (Volume 1) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12
      • Semester 2 (Volume 2) >
        • Issue 1
        • Issue 2
        • Issue 3
        • Issue 4
        • Issue 5
        • Issue 6
        • Issue 7
        • Issue 8
        • Issue 9
        • Issue 10
        • Issue 11
        • Issue 12