De Maximus

4/3/2021

Max Ferguson

As the 2021 EIC of De Minimis, it falls to me to write a pithy and cocksure introduction to the new uni year. You might already know me from my classic hits, such as running an extremely unsuccessful campaign for LSS President, or doing my hair like Ted Cruz. In any case, I am in my third year at this Dickensian joy-factory known as MLS, and still kicking. That’s got to count for something.

As the Law School’s oldest and most well-respected institution, De Minimis has weathered many a storm over the years. Even so, 2021 looks like it’s going to be a special challenge. Very few of us are going to spend a significant amount of time on campus this semester, with all the loss of social utility that entails. In addition, we ought to keep in mind our classmates who are stuck outside of Melbourne due to the ongoing global disaster.

Under these conditions, I don’t think it’s too self-indulgent to say that institutions like De Minimis are more important than ever. Law School is not – or should not be – merely the place that mints your meal-ticket. As far as I can tell, the only things getting any of us through this snooze-fest are coffee and the company of our friends. So, reach out to one another. Get involved. Weigh into a dumpster-fire comment section on the De Minimis website. These are the things that tell us we’re not just surviving Covid-Law, but thriving.

In addition to our usual task of pissing off as broad a swathe of the Law School as possible, we’ve got a bunch of new stuff in the works. I have assembled a crack team of MLS misfits, who are working round-the-clock to keep you chuckling. Our trusty Columnists are writing on new and diverse topics, and our new corporate structure will allow us to defame more of you than ever before. Don’t worry, we’re also working on a new anonymous feedback form.

Applications to be a De Minimis Columnist are now open. All of the events of your life have led you to this opportunity – from your conception in the unlit back row of a 1999 screening of Fight Club, to the messy end of your high school relationship. Don’t let it pass you by.

I am honoured to be leading the newspaper that Queen Elizabeth once referred to as ‘the jiggliest shizz that I ever squizz’d.’ I promise to be worthy of those words.

Max Ferguson is the 2021 Editor-in-Chief of De Minimis.

LSS RISE UP

4/3/2021 08:00:43 pm

They targeted the LSS.

The LSS.

We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the hardest, most mentally demanding tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little digital token saying we did.

We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.

We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of our CVs all to draw out a single extra point in our pursuit of a clerkship at Allens.

Many of us have made our livelihoods out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same emails to stakeholders over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know every little detail such that some have attained such LSS nirvana that they can literally recite the LinkedIn bios of KWM partners blindfolded.

Do these people have any idea how many pages of Arlen's books have been highlighted, word documents freezing, disks and carts destroyed in frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?

These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They try to hold us accountable for our actions as elected representatives? We're already building a new law society without them. They make fun of our events? The LSS gang aren't shy about throwing their money else where, or even making events only for ourselves.

They think calling us boring, elitist, hypocrites is going to change us? We've been called worse things by prepubescent 14 year olds when we were house prefects at Melbourne's most prestigious schools. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitised to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challenge when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with peers and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.

The LSS members are competitive and hardcore, by nature. We love a challenge. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challenge us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another clerkship application.

grammar bitch

5/3/2021 12:46:16 am

'selfs'

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