Vol 12, Issue 5 NICHOLAS PARRY-JONES “Oh boy, I hope I get selected!” my internal monologue chirped as I hit submit on the Linklaters Rose International Moot™. It was up to my wonderful LSS Competitions Directors of course. I blinked as my eyes readjusted to the light of the cramped seminar room, I was tired having attended Allens Yoga™ that morning, in the hopes some LSS would see me there and realise I was a good representative of the law school, but I knew all hope was lost, they'd just give the Linklaters Rose International Moot™ place to a friend of theirs, that probably had higher grades than me anyway. I looked to the image on the Corrs Chambers Westgarth Projector™. I'd done the readings, without even listening, I knew what was coming.
As if on cue, a snicker ripples across the 600 customers in my elective. Edelman CJ had delivered a stinging barb to a Gaudron J decision. Who can blame him, everyone knows Gaudron wasn't even in the LSS in her time. Class ends on that note and industrious customers begin to clamour all over each other to get down to the MULSS Sausage Sizzle Brought to you by Bain and Co™ before they ran out of white wine. There was a rumour that He might be there. I was going to go anyway, but now I had to make sure I looked good, in case He saw me. I was surprised they could even afford to pay for all the sausages and wine to feed the 4000 strong cohort at MLS, but I knew He'd find a way. After all, a procession of LSS leaders had endorsed a large MLS as a strong MLS. He had overseen the installation of Ashurst Two Storey Desks™ across all classrooms, and apologised that there still wasn't enough seats in class for everyone, but rationalised the Depressed Persons Presented by KPMG™ won't attend, giving them a 10% leeway. He is so wise. I sat and ate my sausage in the throng of people, looking for signs of Him, or any LSS for that matter. I knew if I just spoke to one of them for five minutes I would be able to convince them that I'm a good customer. A wide eyed customer thrust a flyer into my hand. The first year co opt disappeared before I had a chance to raise my head.I studied the multicultural cast of faces and bright text that adorned the piece in front of me: MULSS LAW CUSTOMERS FOR REFUGEES! Presented by Citicorp™ Do you know that every year people flee war torn countries for a chance at better life. When they come to “the lucky country” they're intercepted, separated and moved into imposing facilities, with no freedom in sight. In honour of a former LSS leader, join us for a Lawyer's Picnic to learn from industry insiders about how to properly utilise commercial solutions from these economically distressed clients! A friend grabbed my sleeve, and before I knew it I was being pulled back through the Arnold Bloch Leibler Automatic Doors™, past the CO-BRANDING IS POWER, PARTYING IS STRENGTH posters, and into the level 2 bathrooms next to the Viagra Machines Presented by KPMG™. “Man, how can you eat that shit?” he motions to my wine and sausage. “What do you mean? We need to go to MULSS Parties to show we're joiner inners and have commercial acumen!” “Don't you see!? This cheap meat and booze! Its poisoning you! It keeps you dumb and complacent, so you don't question when you get fucked! Don't you -” “Hold on there buddy. Controlled consumption? I think you're mixing pastiches. This is more Orwellian and you seem to be going down a BNW path. Well, actually everything is derivative of Russian author Yev-” “Shut up! Don't you care about class sizes? Lecture recordings! The Viz Moot!....” He was ranting again. He often ranted about The Other Place. A place that taught law that wasn't controlled by their LSS. He said they had smaller, recorded classes, faculty selection of “students” for competition and less sponsorship. Partly, he said this was due to a party system where policies mattered and people worked for reelection. It sounds sad to me. I don't know if it's a real place or not. It’s supposedly a long train ride away and as a post grad tickets are expensive, but I don't care. After all, He said the LSS doesn't need to worry about stuff out there, because the parties are always in the city. He always rationalises like that. It's like He just knows the answer. There's even a paper that He allows, in his mercy, to operate without LSS supervision. Though it's an open secret the Editors love him as much as I do, He's so affable. I worried about my friend, but then I realised, this is an opportunity. I quickly tapped out an email to the LSS Communications Directors, nominating my friend as a Gilbert+Tobin Subversive Person™, now they'll definitely recognise me. I backed away slowly. Quickly grabbing some Viagra by KPMG™, maybe I can fulfil His wish and produce a bevy of future MLS Customers this weekend. * * * He sighed as He got into the DLA Piper Elevator™. It had been a long day and it was only 2pm. He saw a familiar face. “Hello, Mr President.” She said with a smile. He beamed back at Her, and extended His hand. In His sleepiness, He forgot to verbalise. “Well...I look forward to working with you” She said, stepping out at level 9. In His one level journey of free time, His mind turned to His memories, memories of Her. Together, they could have ruled. Her the faculty, Him the customers and sponsors. Over late night cocktails they laughed at the common misconception of LSS loyalty, discussed the importance of sponsorship moving forward, and made love. But inevitably, Her husband found out and put an end to it. The husband was some hot shot lawyer himself, but as she confessed, “he wasn't even in the LSS in his day.” He was aware of the effect he had on women, but were they aware of the effect they had on Him? He pushed such thoughts to the back of his mind as He got off at level 10. His phone was blowing up. Some Partner from Blackburn Gordon wanting space in the careers guide. They bought him chocolates. One of them contained nougat. He hated nougat. He answered the call, the desperate non corporate ambulance chaser was begging. He didn't listen, “Nah mate” He hung up and walked into the applause of Conference Room Drinks Presented By the MULSS. Nicholas Parry-Jones is a third-year JD student More articles like this: The rest of this issue:
Bored and Confused
22/8/2017 06:15:54 pm
Maybe the requirement for the moot was coherent sentences.
Trust me I'm an expert
23/8/2017 09:18:19 pm
I have examined this article with a team of literary geniuses and we have concluded that this is in fact a love letter to the president of the LSS, it's true intent cleverly disguised in a protective layer of rage, jealousy and bitterness.
mary sue
24/8/2017 09:13:36 am
Interesting. I thought it read more like My Immortal style fan fiction about the LSS, but I take your point.
For those that don't get it
22/8/2017 08:39:27 pm
I liked it. For those that missed the point being made, hey I get it, we haven't all read Aldus Huxley.
??
22/8/2017 08:55:28 pm
Have you actually had any contact with the lss or attended anything they've organised?
Corporate sponsors are important
22/8/2017 09:05:48 pm
Where do you think the LSS get the money and connections to organise events from? The sponsors.
TRUE
22/8/2017 10:55:34 pm
Whilst the LSS do a lot of good there is a definite reputation of selling itself out to corporate sponsors just for the money. Have we ever had a careers event where boutique law firms presented on opportunities? Instead, it seems we just have those firms who can afford the LSS Sponsorship Fees (which are exorbitant) and we have these firms and their Clerkships shoved down our throats every week.
Do you go to careers events?
22/8/2017 11:23:49 pm
I'm sorry but this comment is just plain uninformed
YES I GO TO CAREERS EVENTS
22/8/2017 11:37:37 pm
Yea and at these law school panels on such industries which firms do you once again have in attendance? Oh that's right the same ones who are LSS Sponsors, and at all such events their is the not so subtle push for our firm is great.
Again, misinformed
22/8/2017 11:43:16 pm
Again you've shown you don't attend any of the panels
Again, you misrepresent
23/8/2017 12:08:23 am
Why so defensive?
Yawn
22/8/2017 08:54:34 pm
Did you fail to get a committee position or something?
Not in the LSS
22/8/2017 08:57:30 pm
The LSS isn't a student union. It's an organisation of volunteers who give their time to facilitate many of the initiatives that make this law school worthwhile.
Two genuine questions to this comment
22/8/2017 09:08:43 pm
I don't mean this rhetorically or argumentatively. I'm genuinely trying to understand your comment.
Genuine question
22/8/2017 09:12:54 pm
What is the LSS not doing that you believe they should be?
Things they should do
22/8/2017 09:19:07 pm
1) Extending the availability of recorded lectures for genuine short term reasons, not just ongoing need. The only reason so many people (including lecturers!) get sick all the time is because of unrecorded lectures and sick people coming in regardless.
More questions
22/8/2017 09:35:58 pm
Can I ask, have you brought this up with your rep directly? It's easy to critique if you haven't actually talked to an lss member
Not in the LSS
22/8/2017 09:52:04 pm
1) A certain degree of realpolitik exists. The LSS is facilitated by the faculty, rather than existing as an independent union. Furthermore, it is heavily dependent on corporate sponsorship, which necessitates a particular code of conduct to maintain the funding necessary to fund most of its activities. These two elements act as limitations on how combative the LSS can afford to be - ultimately, the law school operates largely as an entity unto itself, and treating the LSS in the same manner as the GSA is misrepresentative of the relatively little influence the LSS can exert without overstepping the boundaries implicitly set for it.
What about the good?
22/8/2017 10:07:47 pm
The LSS has flaws but they work hard to do so much for students. STS, all the careers things (mock interviews, info sessions), and Book Fairy are all LSS funded and run.
Couldn't agree more
22/8/2017 10:13:56 pm
This comment is spot on. I'd say maybe the LSS should be more transparent about what they do accomplish, but frankly the students who haven't noticed all the events and programs run by the LSS are the ones that aren't engaged anyway.
NOT IN THE LSS
22/8/2017 10:14:28 pm
Fantastic comment, thanks for providing such a comprehensive list.
NOT QUITE TRUE
22/8/2017 10:42:15 pm
"But the fact is, they don't have any other funding" - that is not true, and assuming you are on the LSS given your vehement defensiveness you too should know this.
hear hear
22/8/2017 11:41:06 pm
Thank you! I have a lot of friends on the LSS and assure you there is an unbelievable amount of unpaid work and advocacy being done, addressing the above complaints and more. It's clear some of the people complaining have made no effort to get informed or support these ongoing initiatives. All the information is freely available, and I've found my year level rep to be super friendly and always happy to talk. If you've got an idea or a concern go talk to the team and see if they can support you!
Stop writing.
22/8/2017 10:27:25 pm
See above.
Over it
22/8/2017 11:38:21 pm
It's easy to criticise when you aren't part of the committee. It is clear from some of the comments that people don't engage with the LSS or know much about what is being organised but complain.
Totally
22/8/2017 11:52:38 pm
Seconded. It's ridiculous to accept the benefits of the volunteered work, yet complain that more should be done whilst making absolutely no contribution. 22/8/2017 11:45:29 pm
Fuck capitalism
A fresh take
23/8/2017 07:22:47 am
I, personally, welcome our robot LSS overlords.
Also not LSS- but know enough members
23/8/2017 07:39:24 am
I think the negative reaction comes from the fact that some of the comments made about the work the LSS do aren't accurate/true to begin with. This article is a bit more than a friendly bit of feedback.
Election time
23/8/2017 07:48:37 am
You're in luck. If you believe that the LSS are slaves to their corporate sponsors, aren't achieving what they should be and aren't addressing the issues the majority of the students want to be addressed- there are elections coming up.
Wrote this half asleep
23/8/2017 08:05:23 am
Money where your mouth is. Ha.
Tilly
23/8/2017 09:57:39 am
Now seems like a good time to mention that, on the advocacy front, there will be a student forum in the week before the semester break.
Ayu
23/8/2017 12:41:20 pm
Hi all, just to add on:
So much salt
23/8/2017 12:45:44 pm
Hahahaha all these defensive comments
Soph and Rosie (Comms Directors)
23/8/2017 01:11:18 pm
Hey Nick!
J
23/8/2017 04:41:04 pm
Agh my passive aggression detector just blew up
Soph
23/8/2017 06:20:46 pm
Hey J,
live love laugh
24/8/2017 07:08:57 am
yeah this read like a spider luring NPJ back to the LSS den to eat him
Sam
23/8/2017 01:37:15 pm
Ironically you sound pretty salty yourself. Belittling the "little" people who work unpaid for your benefit, did you not get voted in sweetie?
Whoops
23/8/2017 01:39:11 pm
Rookie mistake as a first time commenter, but this was obviously directed @ So Much Salt
cheeky
23/8/2017 01:57:15 pm
This article is clearly a bit of well-meaning banter. Look, as satire it's pretty benign and limp-wristed but that doesn't mean it didn't get a laff out of me. That said, if something as innocuous as this has brought out the LSS in defensive full force what are they going to be like if they actually have to deal with some legitimate complaints?
Not really
23/8/2017 08:44:12 pm
Maybe it was intended as well meaning banter, but comments that claim the lss do nothing to represent the students and only care about sponsorship, favour their friends instead of offering opportunities to other students and comments that frankly aren't true about what the lss has and hasn't done would piss some people off
Lighten up
24/8/2017 07:06:34 am
Exactly - it's a tense time, ripe to let some of the tension out with a bit of satire. If the LSS could take a joke in their stride maybe that would have a more positive impact on their and everyone else's wellbeing than having a whine because someone wrote a joke article
@lightenup
24/8/2017 08:28:40 am
I'm not sure why we are pretending that this article was 100% in good faith? The article and some of the comments under it were clearly an attack on the lss.
alana
25/8/2017 12:28:49 am
spot on, cheeky
Lazy turd
23/8/2017 08:55:07 pm
I didn't read the article. Could someone give me the gist of it?
Billy
23/8/2017 09:15:48 pm
It's about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques
lol
24/8/2017 09:04:49 am
By far the funniest part of this article was the author's attempt to compare himself to Orwell, and another commenter's attempt to compare the piece to Huxley. Satire at its best :') Comments are closed.
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