Thoroughly Confused

Agony Aunt
Volume 3, Issue 2, (Originally Published on Monday 11 March 2013)
Dear Agony Aunt,
 
I’m on a committee with a girl who has started to act really weird. She goes hot or cold, sitting far away from me at meetings, but tells super corny jokes and watches for when I laugh. She says she wants to hook up but I thought I’d just been treating her as a friend. She’s asked me why I can’t be more like Noah. I think that’s from the Notebook.
 
Thoroughly Confused
 
Dear Thoroughly Confused,
 
This is confusion that all but the asexual and the clergy deal with regularly. It sounds to me like your girl received some exceedingly wise advice that has perhaps been misapplied. Or she has suffered from a series of small strokes, and should be monitored closely. Regardless, it is clear that she fancies you, and was struggling to choose her path between coyness and a more upfront approach.
 
Her reference to fictional characters is somewhat unnerving, but it is, sadly, a Gosling thing. With his feminist prose, dreamy good looks, and tendency to throw Girl Scout cookies into neighbouring cars, even the Aunts get a bit swoony. It doesn’t make her Noah comment any less odd, but there is a chorus of similar Ryan Gosling wishes out there, confusing men-folk like yourself, and you might just have to humour that one.
 
Given you don’t appear to share her feelings, and there remains the possibility that she is slightly unhinged, your actions from here should be quite clear, yet kind. Take her attentions as the kudos for being generally excellent that they are. Continue treating her as a friend, although be more conscious of whether she is taking your friendliness as intended. Hopefully your response to her asking you to ‘hook up’ made it clear that you do not wish to, whilst reassuring her that this was in no way a failure on her part. We all need to lie sometimes to preserve frail egos and committees.
 
Sincerely, Aunt Myrtle
 
Agony Aunt