Jessica Sykes
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)
 
The heady time at the start of semester is ripe for denial of workloads and extracurricular excursions. You might say it’s perfect for heading to The Toff to see Brooklyn-based electro noise band Oneohtrix Point Never. Even if their name does make you feel like you’ve been left out of a potentially clever joke.
 
They’ve been described as liberating synth sounds from their conventional trappings, and who could resist witnessing such a noble aim play out? The 80s had cruelly incarcerated the synth with lycra, tight perms and wasted dreams.
 
It was a grand night for the synth then, when the dim lighting and whiskey-basted euphoria of The Toff threw off its shackles with grimy, moody, sensual tension. I’m still drenched in anxiety. Although that could potentially be the unfortunate combination of my chosen degree with my overdeveloped desire to watch television in my underwear in eight hour stretches.
 
From a law student perspective, now is potentially the only time in semester when you could listen to such impressive synth. Any closer to exams and the tension will snap you like a small, ineffectual twig.
 
Essentially, my mind was blown open. Ground zero being the part that had previously judged electro and noise music as hipsters engaging in musical epilepsy. Point taken, Oneohtrix Point Never.
 
One word of warning though, do keep a handle on dancing to music of this kind. There’s a significant portion of The Toff population that looks down on extravagant dance moves when people are stoically ‘appreciating’ music. It’s a classic fork in the road situation. Play into their trap and stand with steely precision, or stage a mini dance rebellion. I can tell you from experience that the second route cuts a path to alienation and loneliness. I assume this is because powerfully dancing your way through inappropriate moments generally gives people the yips.
 
Oneohtrix Point Never performed at The Toff on 17 March 2013. You can find them online at www.pointnever.com.
 
Jessica Sykes

Peter Botros
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)

Andrew Michaelson
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)
 
Striking down the judicial precedent that established the legal supremacy of right over wrong more than a century ago, the High Court on Wednesday overturned Right v. Wrong.
 
The landmark reversal — a bitterly contested 4-3 decision that has been widely praised by murderers, rapists, bigots, usurers, and pro-wrong advocates nationwide — nullifies all previously lawful forms of right and makes it very difficult for Australians to make ethical decisions or be generally decent human beings without facing criminal charges.
 
“It is the opinion of this court that the Constitution was crafted in such a manner as to uphold and encourage practices that are not right and, ideally, are very wrong,” Chief Justice French wrote for the majority, which also included Crennan, Kiefel and Hayne JJ. “Despite the compelling case for goodness, truth, and justice made by our predecessors in the case of Right v. Wrong, we firmly believe that malice, dishonesty, and injustice were the framers’ original intent.”
 
“The ruling today rights an age-old wrong in which right has consistently, and unconstitutionally, prevailed,” Hayne J wrote in a concurring opinion, adding that the decision between right and wrong did not present a difficult choice for him. “It is clear the earlier court erred when issuing the Right decision.”
 
The ruling in Right v. Wrong was handed down in 1902 by the High Court’s five original members, all of whom sided with the plaintiff, prompting Chief Justice Griffith to write, “It is the emphatic province and duty of this highest judicial tribunal to rule in favor of Right, as the argument in support of Right is the right one, and the argument in support of Wrong is the wrong one.”
 
Constitutional scholars have argued the ruling sets a dangerous precedent whereby violent criminals could conceivably appeal their convictions and, citing the judiciary’s rejection of Right, be acquitted of their crimes. According to reports, the impact of the verdict has already been felt, with a Broadmeadows man murdering three people this morning in front of several police officers who by law could do nothing but watch. In addition, a woman who volunteered at a North Melbourne soup kitchen has been arrested, sentenced to six months in jail, and fined $25,000.
 
In her dissenting opinion, Bell J wrote: “The court needs to overturn this ruling immediately because, simply put, it’s the right thing to do.”
 
After issuing her judgment, Bell J and her concurring dissenters was then promptly arrested by the Federal Police, placed into custody and is currently awaiting trial.
 
Andrew Michaelson is currently serving a five year jail sentence for offering his tram seat to a pregnant woman.
 
Andrew Michaelson

Nick Jane
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)
 
With Law Ball arriving Thursday week, it seems prudent to print the MLS Law Ball Form Guide.
 
Heavy Favourites:
 
Barring a natural disaster, ‘Thrift Shop’ will be played at least once: 1.01-1
 
Someone will throw up in the ballroom, in the bathroom, and on the bus: 2-1
 
Some first year will be denied access to the after-party, and use legal jargon like ‘a writ of mandamus’ or quote irrelevant cases like Australian Woollen Mills to convince the bouncer: 4-1
 
Someone decides to be THAT PERSON and come in tails and a top hat: 4.20-1
 
There will be at least one table of commerce kids, who are slowly trying to infiltrate law school, first through our library and now through law ball: 5-1 Complete
 
Outsiders:
 
People complaining that there should be entrée and not dessert: 120-1
 
One of the lawyers on the sponsor’s table will do a karaoke performance of Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’: 175-1
 
‘Drinking at law ball’ will be a valid excuse for special consideration for the optional Trusts exam the following day: 250-1
 
The entire law ball will be visiting Revolver after leaving the after party: 466-1
 
Students realise that they don’t need alcohol to have a good night, and decide to get on the waters instead: 1,450,211-1
 
Author’s tip of the day:
 
This pick goes out to a member of law school who has a penchant for removing his shirt at big law school events. Words with his owner, who has recently re- turned from the Canadian racing circuit, suggested that he may be frustrated for a run with his barrier draw. With a few drinks in him and coming in with some good form from End of Exams last year, this bolter may be a chance.
 
Lewis Cohen getting his kit off: 8-1
 
Omen bet of the day:
 
18 April is the day Kourtney Kardashian was born. Kourtney is the sister of the famous-for-not-much Kim Kardashian, who is now pregnant by hip hop legend Kanye West. Thus, with the betting gods clearly trying to tell us something, have a little flutter on the last song of the evening.
 
Last song to be played at Peninsula to be ‘N****** in Paris’.12-1
 
 
Good luck everybody. Get excited for one of the best nights on the social calendar at law school, and I hope to see everyone there next week!
 
Nick Jane

Melissa Peach
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)
 
5) The Toff – For some reason, being in grad school hasn’t taken away the allure of partying with drunken 18-year olds. Going to the Toff is like staying in a bad relationship. Despite there being a million better options, at the end of the night after making a stop on the trashy train at McDonald’s, law students always come crawling back to the Toff.
 
4) High territoriality – This behavior includes being overly protective of your notes, notes scavenged off an upperclassman, and spiraling into a homicidal rage every time a commerce student sneaks into the third floor private study area.
 
3) Substance abuse – Namely, coffee and alcohol. Coffee flows through law students’ veins, if the zombie hordes crowding around Porta Via every morning is any indication. They may try to glamorize it by reveling in how hip they look at Seven Seeds, but underneath the Ray Bans and skinny jeans looms a burning and insatiable need for caffeine. Alcohol is a glorious and much needed elixir after an assignment, exam, lecture, or moot. Because law students are actually just training to be high functioning alcoholics, double fisting as many drinks as humanly possible when there’s a bar tab and drinking like you don’t want to live is completely acceptable.
 
2) Whining – Like Occupy protesters or British tourists, law students are pretty damn good at whining and complain about every single reading and assignment day in, day out. At school, outside of school, and on Facebook, law students will emphatically ramble on about how difficult life is in the cushions of academia (and probably isolate and bore their non-law school friends in the process).
 
1) Big time intellectual masturbation – Because to be a good law student, it’s important to be a pretentious, condescending know-it-all. Symptoms include a penchant for relentless mockery at the more neurologically impaired and an attitude of generally not giving a shit about anything that’s not coming out of your own ass. Between using legalese when speaking with the plebes (AKA non-law students) and scoffing with disdain whenever someone asks a ‘stupid’ question, it’s pretty clear that law students get off on the sound of their own voice like a 12-year-old boy to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
 
Melissa Peach

Christine Todd
Volume 3, Issue 5, (Originally Published on Monday 8th April 2013)
 
Dr Dax Café – Located on main campus, off Royal Parade, at the base of the Melbourne Brain Centre.
 
While roughly a 10-minute walk from the law school, this café is worth the trek. The food options are outstanding, stretching beyond the standard focaccia options found near MLS, to include soups, pasta, meat dishes, vegetarian and non-vegetarian salad options, and much more. The coffee here is equally as impressive, and goes down smooth, for those in favour of a softer blend. Stretch those sexy legal legs and give this place a try.
 
SCORE: 4/5 coffee beans.
 
Christine Todd