Ask Agony Aunt: Not Another Break Up Story

AUNT MYRTLE
Volume 2, Issue 3 (Originally Published 6 August 2012)
 
Dear Agony Aunts
 
I started the semester with the best of intentions, even reading ahead with a few of my subjects, and then my boyfriend of three years dumped me, and I’m shattered. I don’t want to be pathetic, but I’m struggling, what can I do?
 
Not another break-up story
 
********
 
Dear Not another break-up
 
You may have had it sweet and lost it, or maybe you’re better off. Either way, we’ve got to fight this battle on several fronts.
 
First, and this is not the order I would personally square things away, but as a mature adult, go see the Wellbeing Coordinator. She can make uni more manageable and sort out what help you need, then let’s get down to real business.
 
This is where you have some sort of minor breakdown. The particulars are up to you, but there should probably be tears involved, at least some late nights telling your friends the same tired stories about your ex, and eating 3-4 times the recommended intake of sugar and salt in whatever foods you can. This therapeutic step can actually be repeated for a short period, or as long as there’s no harm to your body, friends and grades.
 
Then we approach getting your shit together. Start off slow, begin with just  looking like you do. This should involve turning up to classes. Wear clothes that match and don’t have stains that give away your new ice cream addiction. Attempt to brush your hair and wear actual shoes. Then build from there, hopefully exercise in some form now that you’ve re-entered the world. Engage in conversation that doesn’t lead back to your ex. This will eventually lead you to the holy grail of actually getting your shit together. From what I can gather, people who have achieved this step take up bike riding, or yoga or something to signal your new enlightenment. Try to avoid lycra, it just mocks those beneath, or indeed behind you.
 
Yours Sincerely
 
Aunt Myrtle
​