L is for London Olympics

​CHARLES HOPKINS
Volume 2, Issue 3 (Originally Published 6 August 2012)
 
Yeah I know, pretty cutting edge – a journalistic piece on the Olympics – AGAINST THE GRAIN IS MY MIDDLE NAME, WORD.
 
I should also note that I use the word ‘journalistic’ in an ironic way, and I use the word ‘ironic’ in an incorrect way, like when people just use it to say someone has done something poorly, like ‘I wear a Herschel backpack, not because I’m hipster but because I’m being ironic’. No, you’re just shit.*
 
This week I’m fired up about the Olympics. Not because we’re under performing, not because some guy who I’d never heard of a week ago is now letting me down and apparently I’m deeply upset about it, and not because I’m forced to watch advertisements for Channel 9 shows.
 
Actually, now you’ve brought that up figurate audience, I will briefly respond to it; thank you for the question. Channel 9 is like the popular kid at school; people watch it and talk about it, but no one likes or respects it.
 
The reason the Olympics is making me angry, is a result of the reportage (yep, law may have taught me words like ‘caveat’ and ‘insofar’, but my undergraduate Arts taught me to put random suffixes on normal people words).
 
Every time we get a silver medal, the journos ask “how do you feel?” where the tone implies “gee you f***ed that up, show the camera how much of a disappointment you are.”
 
Australia has developed little man syndrome. Our international influence in more meaningful domains is so tenuous that we think gold medals will patch up our sense of insecurity; the Olympics is to Australia what Pokémon was to my adolescent self (though for the record, I had a sick Pokédex… maybe I’ll get the new version to play during Remedies). 
 
Here’s the part where I tie it back to law school. Okay, here goes:
 
This mentality is like law school because winning is equated with happiness, and recognition of achievement is the ruler against which happy-trons are measured. But we need to get some perspective! Even getting into the final at the Olympics is like getting into the JD; it is itself an awesome achievement, and one to be forever proud of. WORD.
 
That wasn’t bad, well done me – now I am happy.
 
In an effort to save the ratings of The Circle, Charles Hopkins and Andy Chislett will join the hosts; it will now be called The Venn Diagram.
 
* it’s ironic because I wear a Herschel backpack.