THE PEOPLE vs. Parking at Law School

Andrew Michaelson
Volume 3, Issue 3, (Originally Published on Monday 18th March 2013)
 
If you’re a motorist, chances are you’ve at some stage thrown all caution, reason and sanity to the wind and attempted to park at the Law School.
 
For those of you unaware, trying to park at University is like trying to clone a dinosaur; it’s inevitably costly, damn near impossible and you really shouldn’t be trying to do it in the first place.
 
The problem is that all the good, slightly affordable spots – the cheap 4-hour ones on either side of University Square – are taken 99.99% of the time. Either the people who get those spots arrive at 5 am, or they parked there once in 2005 and never left. To add insult to injury, these rows of spaces are sprinkled with superfluous trees, which really only serve the purpose of denying us a few more precious spots, and to tease us by fooling us into thinking there’s a spot available as we drive up the road.
 
If you don’t manage to get one of these 4-hour spots, you’ve no choice but to dance with the 2-hour zones. To attempt to park in one of these spots is to court a cruel mistress: she’s clingy, expecting to see you literally every 2-hours, expensive and is always getting ogled by other guys.
 
Perhaps this is part of the University’s coy strategy to try and encourage students to use public transport and minimize our carbon footprint, or just macabre “survival of the earliest” game they’re playing. Either way, the circumstances aren’t exactly desirable.
 
So here’s my handy-dandy how to guide for parking at the Law School.
 
Step 1. Don’t.
 
And you’re done! Congratulations.
 
Andrew Michaelson is looking for buyers for his orange Fiat Punto.
 
Andrew Michaelson