Volume 4, Issue 3, (Originally Published on Monday 12th August 2013)
Dear Equity Uncle,
I fear to write you out of embarrassment. I did something on the weekend, and I can’t reveal details; not even the NSA knows. But I need to do a group assignment with those involved, but I can’t look them in the eye. Does equity blush?
Dear Mr Ashamed,
It is said that one who seeks Equity must do Equity – but don’t you be getting any ideas, you shameful little man.
Equity is omniscient. Equity knows what you did. Equity works for the NSA.
Equity doesn’t blush, because Equity is never embarrassed. This isn’t because Equity doesn’t occasionally act in stupid ways – have you read Lumbers? – but rather because Equity is omniscient, and Equity knows what other people do. And it is obscene.
If Equity were you, Equity would pluck up the courage to look your groupies classmates in the eye. Smile, even. They’ll be feeling just as poorly as you.
And so they should.