Volume 3, Issue 12, (Originally Published on Monday 27th May 2013)
Dear Equity Uncle,
A friend called me a hipster. They pointed to my black frame glasses, constant use of ironic speech, giving up on bands once they become popular and being a coffee aficionado. My response is that the glasses are very comfortable and soon everyone will be wearing them, and they're prescription. I stop listening to bands when their music is no longer interesting to me; I like coffee: I live in Melbourne. I don't ride a fixie and I don't have a moustache or beard and I don't want to live in Brooklyn or Fitzroy. Am I a hipster, at common law or at equity?
It’s not true that cheap wine is bad wine. Equity is not above drinking cheap wine.
Equity acts on principle, and that principle is not that cheap wine is bad wine. But sometimes principles conflict with other principles – and maxims like ‘equity treats as done that which ought to have been done’ and ‘don’t miss the editing deadline for the third week in a row’ lead Equity to realise that perhaps, occasionally, cheap wine might be bad wine.
OK, your problem.
There’s nothing wrong with black frame glasses. Equity is fine with prescription lenses. Speak ironically if you want. It makes you look a boss and Equity won’t judge you for it at all.
It seems that this case turns upon your music tastes. Equity has been listening to Daft Punk this week. Like, a lot. Even though, in Equity’s experience, if you have to spend all night looking for luck you’re unlikely to find it. Equity is just saying. Are these masked French boppers too mainstream for you? If yes, then at Equity you might as well order another syphoned vegan espresso and ride a baby-blue bicycle and grow a cheap moustache.