Volume 3, Issue 11, (Originally Published on Monday 20 May 2013)
Without fail, each year at the law school offers countless opportunities for budding lawyers to mingle and hobnob with Australia’s finest law firms.
Mock interviews, barbecues (actually, what the hell happened to those?) and firm information sessions lure law students in like moths to the vibrant flame of commercial law.
If you happen to be caught up in the whirlwind of suits and ass kissing that surrounds these events, you will inevitably encounter these five personalities.
1. The Gunner Extraordinaire – You know the type. They’re super involved in student societies or volunteering (maybe even both), and have already met and impressed the HR reps. They probably have an average others would kill for and a wealth of experience behind them. They planned on going to law school to figure out how to save Cambodian orphans, but now they spend their evenings planning their move to a six-figure salary with a top tier commercial law firm. The orphans can wait. After all, unlike the Gunner Extraordinaire’s career, they’re not going anywhere.
2. The Private School Prince(ss) – They blind you with the shine of their expensive suits when they enter the room. They power pose and speak confidently with a tinge of douchiness. They don’t really care about trying too hard, because they’ve already got family connections behind them. They grew up playing croquet and drinking wine with the partners, and are besties with the associates. While others try to get questions in about opportunities in X firm, they’ll be having drinks with the partners after the event ends.
3. The International Student – You can spot these suckers by the panicked looks on their faces when they get told time and time again that X firm doesn’t take on international students. Most likely to be seen hovering around the firms with an international reach and desperately trying to convince the HR reps that really, they do want to live and work in Australia forever. You may also see them trying to pick up an Aussie guy or gal. Hey, anything to be in a de facto relationship. Money may not buy happiness, but permanent residency sure will.
4. The Cock Block – The only thing stopping you from punching them is the presence of the firm reps. They’ll cut in while someone else is speaking with the firm rep and completely ignore whatever anyone else around had to say. In a group, they’ll be slightly condescending. Not enough to be outwardly rude, but just enough to make you uncomfortable. Their key moves are the condescending shoulder pat, fake smile, and subtle eye roll. They seem to have found the perfect medium between douchebaggery and professionalism, so they’ll probably make a pretty good lawyer.
5. The Self-Destructor – Needless to say, self-awareness is not their best quality. They tend to forget that they’re at professional events and make a number of cringe-worthy missteps that will likely be the talk of law firm Christmas parties. Between drinking too much, spewing profanities, bragging about their alcohol tolerance, and s***-talking the firms after the event has ended (most likely within earshot of firm reps), the Self-Destructor is his own worst enemy.