L is for Law Student

CHARLES HOPKINS
Volume 1, Issue 1 (Originally published 27 February 2011)
 
WE are all massive losers.
 
Exhibit A: the first thing you thought as a law student was “how do you define ‘losers’”? I don’t mean in the sense of life achievement – gaining a spot at the Melbourne Law School is proof enough we’re winners in one regard.
 
We’re all losers because we’re all enormous egomaniacs.
 
Who signs up for law without being self-obsessed? Law students are the most egotistical of the university-races (apart from maybe the zoologists, I just don’t trust ‘em). And worse, we’re post- graduate law students (he almost spits the word (and note to self, use fewer personal pronouns in next edition (and fewer brackets))). We can’t even use the excuse “well I got really good school marks so I fell into it”; we knew better!
 
Examine the evidence: by the end first semester, your Facebook is saturated with self-piteous law- related whinging, your friendship group has dwindled to other law students and three people who can tolerate your burgeoning sense of self, and you’ve forgotten the taste of your grandma’s Mars Bar slice and the scent of her hair curlers because you haven’t seen her in six months and now she’s dead.
 
Law students have their own building for French CJ’s sake! Slightly off campus! Very near to 7 Seeds!
 
And you know who the worst people are? The students who claim to be studying law to help people. Haven’t you seen the 1997 Al Pacino classic The Devil’s Advocate?!**
 
And the nail in this metaphoric column? The first thing I thought when the editor of this publication pitched the idea to me was, “I could write about myself!” (Or maybe that just makes me a tool? Nah I’m too awesome to be a tool).


So where do we go from here? Do we attempt to eschew this egotism? Perhaps we travel to Italy to eat, India to pray and Bali to do something else (I couldn’t sit through the last third of that film).
 
No we don’t. We rock the egotism, just like we rock everything else.
So come back next week, for another insipid rant about something law school-related, because you know that’s all you give a shit about.


Charles Hopkins just released his seventh book, “Why won’t anyone publish my books?”