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Charles Hopkins
Volume 2, Issue 1 (Originally Published 23 July 2016) First up, don’t think that this metaphoric reunion between me and you (my readership... hi mum) is the lacklustre reunion to which I refer. I know this column is 200 words shorter than usual; that’s not because I’m not excited to write for you this semester, it’s because I have the Evidence and Proof exam to worry about (and that dead body to bury (but you couldn’t use that against me in court because it’s hearsay (right? (jeez I hope I understand evidence law)))). The subject of this week’s rant is those tedious conversations that dominate week 1 of semester 2. You know the ones; you bump into someone you’re kind of close with in semester one, but for whatever reason you didn’t catch up over the holidays (probably because you were salvaging your pre-law school relationships, including non-sexual, sexual or semi-sexual-semi-professional ones), so you have an awkward back and forth that involves only the most banal holiday details: the weather, TV shows and that you’ve moved from smooth to crunchy peanut butter because you wanted to spice up your sex life. Small talk makes life terrible, like those people who spend more time in Europe on Facebook, than being in Europe. I encourage divulging all the gory details of your holiday to give these conversations some interest. Share the story about the gender-ambiguous Mexican prostitute you played in chess, and of the time you projectile vomited onto the girl behind the counter at Maccas. And if you don’t have anything that interesting, make something up! For example: over the holidays, the law revue cast and I shot a video sketch with Working Dog (the guys who made the Australian classic The Castle). Hang on! That’s not made up! ‘Like’ us at www.facebook.com/MelbourneUniLawRevue to see the video! Charles Hopkins is hosting a seminar on cross-promotion next week, where he will also sell copies of his new EP entitled ‘I also write cook books’.
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