Ask Agony Aunt

AUNT MYRTLE
Volume 1, Issue 12 (Originally Published 21 May 2016)

Dear Agony Aunts,
I loved the petting zoo so much I took one of the chicks home in my jackets pocket, but my housemates say I can’t keep it. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Future chicken farmer

*******

Dear future chicken farmer,
 I’m glad you’re embracing a career outside of law, as explaining dishonest behaviour to the admissions board will be awkward to do on the grounds of cuteness. You would have to take a lot of pictures of LOLcats with you to support that argument.

Aside from the theft element, a share-house is really no place for a baby animal. Even adults struggle to make it through the week in a share-house without getting drunk, riding down the stairs on a sleigh made out of cardboard, eating only mi goreng noodles and staying up until 5am downloading the latest Game of Thrones. Give the chick the stability it needs, and let go of your future of free eggs.
​
The lead up to exams is stressful for everyone, so I would emphasise the effect this had on your reasoning, and maybe up the waterworks when returning the chick to its rightful owner.

If you happen to be studying crim this year, I wish you all the luck in the world.

Sincerely,

Aunt Myrtle