Volume 2, Issue 4 (Originally Published 13 August 2012)
Even though this is not meant in a literal sense, I could spend 500 words telling you about why I hate ladders; they remind me of the time I subscribed to a top secret CIA initiative and was coerced into becoming an assassin. That’s right; Jason Bourne was just the beginning.
Every August the students of Melbourne Law School are confronted with destiny-making moments, and they must make a decision which severs alternate potential life paths – it’s not easy deciding whether to go the Stereosonic, Falls or Meredith.
Hilarious and somewhat distracting detours aside, each aspiring corporate in the JD is currently faced with the next rung of their corporate ladder.
For second years, this is clerkship applications. The only way up the ladder is to quantify your awesomeness in the form of an application and hope it amounts to more than other people’s. It’s like applying for the Big Brother house, except instead of awesomeness you try to demonstrate your obnoxiousness, and instead of a CV you submit a webcam video, and instead of other people you’re competing against douchebags, and instead- okay it was a terrible comparison.
Do CVs even represent me like they’re supposed to? Do a series of questions about cases and deals give an insight into my true identity? And should I write ‘Dear [first name of HR person]’ or Dear [surname of HR person]’? I JUST DON’T KNOW.
By the way, if any HR people stumble across this after reading my CV, I’m not as neurotic or sarcastic or distracted as my ‘L is for’ persona may suggest; in fact this is actually a ghost writer writing all these, Charles Hopkins doesn’t even do it! I’m really a small Chinese girl from TianJin! My name is MeiLin!
The most disheartening thing about clerkship applications, is that even if you’re successful, and even if you rock the clerkship process, and even if you get offered a job, you’re still only one more rung up a ladder that keeps on stretching upward. Is there a destination at the end? Achievements are like the rungs of this never-ending ladder; each hurdle is followed by another hurdle. And then you encounter a snake during your climb up the hurdles and you slide down a row of squares on the board and sorry I lost my metaphor.
It’s at times like these that I think of something my dad once told me; ‘there’s always going to be another mountain, and you may or may not want to make it move, but it’s not about that, you’ve got to enjoy the climb.’ He’s a huge Myley Cyrus fan.
So to all us JDers who aspire to corporate success, I say this: sometimes twee aphorisms are the best form of self-assurance, so keep on movin’, keep climbin’, keep the faith baby, it’s all about, it’s all about, the climb, keep the faith, keep your faith, woah.
After interning at the Herald Sun, Charles Hopkins wrote an article to be published in Farrago about their lack of water coolers. The editors declined to publish it however, stating “if hydration is that important, take it up with Herald Sun Management”.