Equity Abhors [Spoilers]

EQUITY UNCLE
Volume 4, Issue 1, (Originally Published on Monday 29th July 2013)
 
Dear Equity Uncle,
 
A ‘friend’ of mine went out of her way to spoil a show I’ve been waiting to watch, things to do you know. I hate spoilers so much!
 
First, what’s the statute of limitations on spoilers? Second, how do I respond? Spoil everything she loves? Plant a mole in her organisation and get it off course?
 
[]

Dear [],
 
Equity too was troubled by the Red Wedding. Those characters had just started to get some depth, and the only thing Equity abhors more than a plot twist is a spoilt plot-twist.
 
And Russell Crowe, of course.
 
The statute of limitations on spoilers? Ten years? Twenty? Maybe it depends on the particular spoiler.
 
So Mr Coppola qualifies for a lengthy limitation period, whereas Michael Bay is not qualified for a pizza shop.
 
But that matters very little, because Equity doubts that a Michael Bay film could ever be spoilt.
 
Equity does like Mr Coppola, however. Equity watched all three Godfather movies in a row last week, and Equity adores Al Pacino.
 
Al Pacino would make your ‘friend’ an offer that she couldn’t refuse. This would be unconscionable. But if you did it quickly, Equity mightn’t see. Otherwise, you could tell her that *******SPOILER*******DUMBLEDORE*******SPOILER*********.
 
Equity Uncle