Issue 0, Volume 17
For a week now, you’ve gazed in wonderment at the storied halls of Melbourne Law School. In between lapping up healthy doses of LMR, you’ve been worrying about navigating the new friendships and enemyships of your new cohort. Well, worry no longer. I have gone to the trouble of compiling this helpful guide, to allow you to efficiently integrate into the MLS community.
It’s time to buckle up, and get real. In order to maximise time learning, revising, and tending to your growing collection of houseplants, it is optimific to pigeonhole your classmates into one of several easily-identifiable archetypes. By dispelling the illusion that law students have individual personalities, you will free up some much-needed space in the ol’ coconut. An added benefit is that your friends will be easily replaceable should they become lost or damaged, much like IKEA furniture.
I have summarised the known types below, in that easily-consumed internet format: the listicle. I encourage you to self-identify with one of the below. This will allow you to know what is expected of you in any situation. Choosing a role for yourself will also remove the risk of one being chosen for you – you don’t want to be stuck with a shitty one for three-plus years.
Some might say that the listicle format is derivative, and hackneyed. To those people, I say, when did I ask? If I want my introduction to read like a Buzzfeed quiz, then by Jiminy Cricket, I have my reasons.
Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental, and not a reason to throw wine on me at a cocktail party.
There, I hope that helps. If you’re a Harvey or a Georgia, consider joining the LSS. If you’re a Nerd, remember that contact lenses provide many of the benefits of glasses, without the social stigma. Remember, no matter what you choose, De Minimis will have content for you this year. Feel free to say g’day if you see me around the place.
Now, have fun out there.
Max is a Second Year JD Student and Managing Editor of De Minimis.