Volume 10, Issue 7
18:10: On the tram from uni now. Just heading to the Commercial & Acumen info night. Looking forward to learning about C&A’s exciting practice areas, and getting in the good books of HR. Might even submit this to that uni rag De Minimis, to counter their constant anti-clerkship propaganda. Probably just jealous of people who get the C&A clerkships. Pathetic.
18:25: Damnit, 5 minutes early. Should I go up? Ooooooo, someone else is. Excellent.
18:32: Crap, half the people are already here. Amateur!! You can never be too keen. Alright, I can recover.
18:35: In conversation with a partner, who asks for our favourite movies. One law-student says ‘Lord of the Flies’. Hahah. ’Atlas Shrugged: Part 3’, I reply. ‘The Exterminating Angel’, the partner replies, giving me what appears to be a wink, then walking away. Intriguing.
18:38: What will my choice of drink say about me? Will orange juice make me look too uptight? Is red wine too wanky? Stick with beer.
18:39: HR and partners all drinking red wine. You should have checked! No more mistakes!!
18:45: Have exchanged a few knowing looks with the other MLS attendees here. We’re good. We know it.
18:47: I subtly undermine another law-student by making reference to their recent break-up. It’s all in the game.
19:00: Presentation. Key buzzwords: ‘working with people’, ‘glocalistic focus’, ‘+100 rightsized offices globally’. Key sectors: M&A, privatisation, restructuring. Clients to mention: A&Z, Umbrella, E-Corp. Matters to say you’ve heard of: the OPI IPO.
20:30: Post-seminar drinks and networking. You’ve got this. YOU’VE GOT THIS! Delightful finger-food on offer too.
20:31: Oh no. no. NO. Abort. Asked HR Co-ordinator what uni they attend. Dreams in tatters. Abort. Abort.
20:32: Wait wait wait. Think. Can’t just leave after that. Definitely not the C&A type. Can’t be the first to leave the info night. Just take it easy on the red wines, wait for a few other law-students to depart, then slip out quietly. It’ll be OK.
20:47: Thanked HR Co-ordinator for the ‘incredibly magical evening’. Masterstroke. Back in the game. I should leave soon — want to leave with that impression on the HR. I’ve been scanning the exits though, and no-one seems to have left yet. Can’t be the first.
21:03: Successfully talked to a partner about their practice in Outsourcing and Privatisation. Sounds like a client-focused, results-driven group — make sure to put down as first preference if (more like when ;-) ) clerkship achieved.
21:25: Getting a bit tired. Can’t be the first to leave though — I know HR is watching those exits too.
21:40: Partners looking bored, file off back to work. HR still here though. All students still engaged in intense networking. One makes show of leaving first but loses nerve at last second. Had to ask further questions about interview facial micro-expression etiquette, apparently. Everyone sees what you almost did there mate — no clerkship for you. Would have been a relief if they’d left though — I do need to be getting out of here soon.
22:02: Still no-one has left. HR now markedly less subtle re looking at watches. Can’t be first though.
22:09: Classmate approaches me, asks ‘do you want to head off?’ I say ‘yeah, we’ll leave together, can you wait for me in the by the elevators?’. Sucker. One down.
22:10: Neither of us leave.
22:30: HR have gone home. CCTV could still be going though. Can’t leave yet. Would be very embarrassing breach of networking 101.
22:46: Just had the most fascinating conversation about markets.
23:11: Out of wine and finger food.
23:30: Some law-students have made a makeshift bed out of coats, and seem to be settling in for the night. Good initiative why didn’t you think of that crap.
00:30: I lead a raiding party of law students to the kitchens. We snatch as many canapé trays as we can carry, then return to the room. We will then leverage this control of vital resource flows into a position of strategic dominance over our close competitors.
01:14: I maintain control of the law students through my monopoly position on the inelastic goods. This will be a great talking point for the interview re my leadership skills, ability to work in a team, and commercial awareness. Already I have secured for myself a sleeping spot of 4 padded chairs arranged next to one another in a makeshift couch. I see some students eyeing the exits, perhaps considering leaving. None do.
01:45: A rebellious Deakin student stages a coup, reaching for the remaining canapés. I leap forward and stab their hand against the table with my complimentary C&A ballpoint pen. As punishment, we pour one of the few remaining glasses of red wine down their white shirt. HOW WILL YOU SECURE A CLERKSHIP WITH SUCH A STAINED SHIRT HAAHAHAHAHAHAH?!?!?!?. None will dare challenge my power now. The Deakin student slinks into a corner, but doesn’t approach the elevators to go home.
02:10: I lead a communal sing-along of ‘Commercial and Acumen we love you, you are our guiding light so true’. Inadequate annunciation and/or volume is severely punished.
03:00: No-one has left.
03:30: I should probably get some shut-eye. I’ve got a long day of networking to continue tomorrow.
04:12: NO! The Deakin student has taken advantage of my sleep to rally support against me with empty promises of co-operative governance and mutual LinkedIn endorsements! The trot (sleeping a key flaw — must conduct research on uberman sleep cycle). Not now though. Our groups face off warily across the conference room. I wield my C&A ballpoint in one hand and a complimentary power pack in the other. I charge.
4:30: I’ve failed. Again. My force is vanquished, and I am exiled to a toilet cubicle. I will not show my enemies the satisfaction of leaving the info night though. Wouldn’t want to seem unenthusiastic. There’s the interview to consider, after all.
6:00: Muffled from inside the toilets, I hear the “horrified” scream of the HR Co-ordinator. It seems as if she is saying ‘What are you all still doing here!’ or perhaps ‘Get out now before I call the police’. I hear the other students walk towards the elevators. Fools. You may as well have asked about the possibility of maintaining a decent work-life balance! This is clearly a test, designed to weed out the uncommitted. I am staying right here.
20:00: I feel physically weak, but am now very confident of acquiring a clerkship at C&A. Almost a certainty at this point. I think I shall stay here until my interview in a week’s time though. You can never be too keen, after all. My phone has almost run out of battery though, and I fear my seclusion within this cubicle may prevent the HR Co-ordinator from becoming aware of my dedication to C&A over the past 26 hours. Then all would be wasted. What to do what to do what to do I'll email these notes to De Minimis! They publish anything! If luck holds, this record will come to the attention of HR (perhaps even my interviewing partner) in enough time to give me an edge on the competition. Genius! Such leveraging of emerging technologies! And such willingness to go the extra mile! I truly am the C&A type.
Clarke Shipley is a third-year JD student
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