Volume 19, Issue 12
A first year student, Daniel Kaffee, has experienced what he describes as a “moment of enlightenment” this week at the law building. Not usually known as an ideal place for meditative reflection and enlightenment, the rarity of such an event led De Minimis to immediately dispatch reporters to learn what happened.
Not having let the experience go to his head at all, Daniel described the phenomenon as “a conversation with God himself, like he was speaking directly to me. I totally understand what Moses must have felt, to have experienced such raw divinity and majesty.”
So, what was the revelation Daniel was selected to hear?
“I’ve been making handwritten notes all semester, because I believed it made me superior to those computer frauds tapping away, but it turns out I’m no more superior than them. I can’t remember any of the content anyway, so what’s the point? I’ve just been wasting my time all semester.”
Countries and religious groups from around the world have offered this new prophet anything he desires to reveal the location of his meeting with the Almighty, but Daniel has remained tight lipped. “Why would I reveal this location? Doing so would only allow my fellow students to experience similar revelations, and I’d rather they all suffer than us collectively succeed.”
When our reporters pointed out to Daniel that he did almost no work for multiple group assignments and had been entirely reliant on other students to pass, Daniel relented.
“Yeah, alright. So, I was walking out of the law building through the revolving doors on the ground floor, and the eternity it takes to walk through them just gave me the first opportunity all semester to reflect. To see myself from a bird’s eye view, you know? I felt like I was going to be stuck there forever, and it just helped me to really think. To see the error of my ways.”
Tim is a first year student.
The views in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of De Minimis or its Editors.