Dear Equity Uncle,
I think my law school has an unhealthy obsession with a black poodle.
It started off as a bit of fun but it’s getting really creepy. Wherever I go, I can’t escape the beady eyes of Riley the Juris Dogtor. He even features on the front of all my subject materials. What’s more, I’ve started to feel nauseous on hearing puns, and it’s given me sirius paws for thought.
Is there something wrong with me? Why does my infatuation with this canine not match that of my beloved institution? Please help.
Equity abhors ingratitude. Your Great Dane, Prof. Carolyn ‘the Provider’ Evans, has made to you and your fellow jurists this generous offering, and you have treated it with contempt. You have treated Her with contempt. And in so doing, you treat Equity with contempt.
Equity cannot change Riley’s eyes. Even if Equity could, Equity wouldn’t. Equity will not complete an imperfect gift.
Oh! How Equity would have swelled at the chance to run his hand through such a regal pelt, to surrender his gavel for a tug-of-law, or whisper sweet maxims to him in the nook. Equity directs you to the case of Helmsley on how to properly care for a pooch. The present matter is on all fours with Helmsley.
Equity knows you come with unclean hands. Yes, it has been some time since your sullied palms felt the warm embrace of a canine’s lingual spur. Equity knows this because Equity follows the law. Equity follows Riley. Visiting days are exhausting for Equity.
Equity cannot see how Riley could be more suited for the MLS. Only his lack of overt sponsorship is surprising. Perhaps his belly could be branded with a Gilbert & Tobin logo. Actually Equity thinks that quite appropriate. Equity will bring his branding iron to the next visiting day.
The rest of this week’s issue of De Minimis:
More Equity Uncle: