Week 10, Semester 1
By Michael Franz
1. You stand in front of the law building, excited for another day of learning! How do you begin?
Head straight to class – go to 16.
I need a coffee first – go to 13.
Screw it, I’m taking the day off and going back home – go to 9.
2. You shake the hand of the man in the suit. Suddenly his eyes glow a sickly green, he grabs an amulet around his neck and begins chanting in an ancient language. You feel dark energies fill your body, sucking out your spirit, and leaving you a soulless, corporate husk. The pay is pretty good. THE END
3. You spring to your feet, and in a sweeping oration, recount the facts of the case. Your succinct and accurate summary draws a standing ovation. After class, the lecturer furiously shakes your hand, tears in their eyes, thanking you for restoring their faith in teaching. Time for lunch! How you spend your next hour?
Microwave my lunch – go to 15.
Michael Kirby is giving a speech today – go to 6.
There’s a careers networking event downstairs – go to 17.
4. You meekly push the button and wait for the automatic door to swing open for your lazy ass. You duck your head and try to ignore the jeers and mocking calls of your classmates as you scurry toward class. As you walk in, do you sit at the front or the back of the room?
The front – go to 7.
The back – go to 12.
5. You shake hands and have a great conversation with the environmental lawyer. Whilst driving home, you are stopped for a random drug test. The police discover that you are coated with residue of a hallucinogenic mushroom from South America. You spend the next thirty years in jail. THE END
6. You approach the hall where Kirby is speaking, along with hundreds of fans. The press of bodies is too great. You are crushed to death by the screaming crowd. THE END
7. You place yourself directly in the line of sight of the lecturer. You are clearly a champion of confidence and preparation. Your contributions to class discussion are legendary, your understanding of legal principles flawless! You graduate at the top of your cohort and are immediately offered your dream job. You wonder why nobody invites you to parties anymore. THE END
8. You sip your small cup of coffee. However, such a container cannot possibly contain enough caffeine to support human life! Throughout the day, you gradually lose more and more energy, until sometime around 2:30pm, everything just... goes... dark... THE END
9. “Screw my education”, you think as you board the tram home. But you’ve forgotten, campus is outside the free tram zone! A ticket inspector looms over you. You discover that as an increased deterrent, the state government has upgraded the infringement penalty from $238.00 to summary execution. THE END
10. You hunch down in your seat. You think of the size of your HECS debt, and how you can’t even be bothered to prepare for class. The shame overwhelms you. You commit ritual seppuku with the sharp corner of the binder containing your printed subject material. THE END
11. As you pay $5.00, a small voice reminds you that that was 2.5% of this week’s Youth Allowance. But you are now prepared to face the day!
Go to 16.
12. You slink toward the back of the classroom like the spineless coward you are. “Has anybody done this week’s readings?” Asks the lecturer. Silence descends, broken only by the sound of your professor grinding another layer of enamel off their teeth in frustration.
Hell yes, I do my readings! – go to 3.
I might just duck down in my chair… - go to 10.
13. “A quick coffee before I start the day!” What do you order?
Just a small – go to 8.
Go for a large – go to 11.
14. “I don’t understand why everybody hates these things so much,” you mutter as you walk through the revolving archway. But suddenly, somebody tries to squeeze into the same chamber right behind you! In a panic, you try to make room, however you drop your backpack which is caught under the doors, jamming the mechanism and trapping the two of you inside! As the days turn into weeks, you have no choice but to resort to cannibalism to survive. THE END
15. You approach the microwaves to heat your food. A strange mould-like substance appears to be growing inside them. WYD?
On second thoughts… - go back to 3.
What’s the worst that could happen? – go to 18.
16. You approach the front doors. Do you use the revolving or automatic doors?
Revolving – go to 14. Automatic – go to 4.
17. You head to the careers event. Before you stand two representatives, one from a top-tier commercial firm, the other from a smaller environmental law organization. Who do you approach?
Corporate rep – go to 2.
Environmental rep – go to 5.
18. Within the hour you are dead from botulism. Your family are unsuccessful in suing the law school, as the judge finds that the scope of liability does not extend to obvious risks of using ‘them dirty-ass microwaves’. THE END