Let Me Tell You a Little Something, Sweaty

5/3/2019

Issue 1, Semester 1, 2019

RENZO TWEEDIE

It sounds cliché, but now that I’m a second year my wisdom is all the more important and worthy of being read-heard. This piece is primarily directed towards first years (not the only piece pointing that way amirite ladies), however if you feel like you can benefit from my pearls then by all means subscribe to my Self-Help Podcast entitled ‘You’re Not Doing Great Sweetie’. I have five fantastic points that will guarantee your success at MLS. [1]

Image: Creative Commons.

Now it may sound cliché but not everything in law school is about the law. In fact most stuff isn’t. It’s about what surrounds the law as every LMR teacher will let you know — just not as succinctly (I don’t have time for you to take half an hour to teach me this Antoine). Notable examples of what surrounds the law include overt racism, disdain for women’s sexuality, and my favourite: Judges using their judgments to flex on other judges. Judge = omg please stop.
Now it actually may sound kinda cliché but this degree isn’t a post grad. It’s a race. Apparently. But it’s not a sprint, oh boy, as every third person will tell you it’s actually a marathon. Brenda, I’m sorry, have you never done a three-year sprint? Maybe you should up your reps ffs. But never a truer word has been said, so go about this degree with plenty of lycra, water at every third kilometre, and a general disregard for anyone else who wants to use the street on a Sunday.
Okay, this one is definitely gonna sound a little bit cliché but bear with me. In addition to this degree not being a degree, or a sprint, it is also a race that only has you in it. You will hear Gwyneth Paltrow’s voice on loop emanating from a speaker from about week five on level one. She will soothingly tell you to ‘run your own race’, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know where you’re running, just make sure you follow her instructions. AKA run for your life, but at your own pace. It’s competitive, but just ignore that. You’re literally ranked against each other but that’s not important, what’s important is that you make friends. And then make sure you throw them under the bus at every opportunity. You want my notes Sylvester? Sure, I’ll send ‘em through in Week 15, sorry I lost my laptop charger!
Number four is probably the most important piece of advice you will get and for that reason it may sound a little cliché. But you are going to get a lot of advice. People left, right, centre-left and centre-right are going to give you their two cents. They’re not going to offer a free months trial, they’re not going to let you opt out whenever you want and they’re not going to offer you a refund despite your statutory right to get one when the product is FAULTY. Honestly don’t listen to them! Make up your own advice! Last year I told myself to be organised and look at me now, sitting in silent section writing doing a De Min article instead of doing my readings. It’s about positive manifestation and man, I vested a lot of energy into ignoring other people’s advice. Oh, except mine! Listen to me. My family refuses to.
Last but not least! This one isn’t cliché at all and should be said too often rather than not often enough. Look after your mental health. Talk to your friends, don’t feel like this is all on you. You fucking GOT this. And if you don’t, then quit and do something else. Maybe something with social utility???

And there you have it. That’ll be $9.95 thank you so much, did you want me to just add this onto your HELP loan? Or (and I know this is cliché) just come up and introduce yourself to me and we can be friends. and I’ll tell you the real get-this-degree-done-with-minimal-effort tea. HONEY, let me tell you a little thing or two. P.S. I’m serious about the title, no excuse for not using deodorant.

[1] JK bro, don't get all legal on me, this is not the place.

Renzo is a Second Year JD Student.

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