Let Down: A letter to the Dean on why MLS needs to focus on Radiohead

Issue 8, Volume 18

ANONYMOUS

Dear Pip,
​
After lockdown ends, I have a couple of suggestions for you on how to improve life for students around 185 Pelham Street. Actually, I only have one. And it’s that Melbourne Law School should now be themed around Radiohead. Being Australia’s premier law school is cool and all, but I think MLS would be better suited as an “art rock tour de force”.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

I’m assuming that you are familiar with Radiohead’s works, and have accepted the objective fact that Radiohead’s 1997 classic, OK Computer, is the greatest album to ever have been released. If you reckon Kid A is better that’s cool too, I guess. But anyway, my first move for theming is that we abolish the piano and replace it with some kind of cool looking industrial speaker that plays the complete works of Radiohead on repeat. Although we won’t play Pablo Honey, and we definitely won’t play Creep because that’s like the shit Radiohead. We could totally play Thom Yorke’s solo stuff too though, that would be pretty rad.

My second move to introduce Radiohead theming would be to rework LMR and instead focus on the complexities of potentially the best song of the 21st century, Pyramid Song. I mean, when you reflect upon it, LMR was pretty useless and that time would surely be better spent analysing the time signature of this revolutionary track (can you believe it’s 4/4, even with all that crazy stuff going on?!).

I also kind of believe firms would love this change too. What other band captures the dystopian isolation of long days spent in an office environment better? If all students were exposed by MLS to Radiohead, and studied the lyrics and sound instead of boring old cases, students would be much better equipped to face the harsh realities of corporate life. Thom Yorke’s dulcet tones on How to Disappear Completely would educate students on what life is really like in corporate law far more than any MLS networking event – we’d all be fitter, happier, more productive.

We could also replace the portraits of all the crusty old white judges with pictures of the band (they’re also all old white dudes at this point, but they’re cool white dudes so it would be chill?). I personally would work way better if Thom Yorke was giving me the eyes, and I’m sure most of the cohort would feel the same. We could totally get rid of that ugly painting of the spooky judges that you see when you walk through the sliding doors into the JD only area on level 5. Imagine walking through the doors and you see Radiohead staring at you, that would be way more inspiring. You’d be thinking, “if five dorky English guys can create the greatest albums of all time, I can definitely complete my gruelling law degree!”. Plus, Thom Yorke is such a sex symbol – it would genuinely be a travesty not to have his photo up.

If you pulled this off correctly, maybe we could even get guest lectures from the band, how great would that be! Law Ball would also be infinitely improved if the band just played Radiohead instead of some kind of jazzy or top 40 thing that they usually do. Just imagine it, Pip: law students filling up the dance floor while the horns from The National Anthem blare in the background. Can you think of a more impressive sight?

Anyway, just some stuff to mull over next time you’re pondering improvements to the Law School. I hope you enjoy Radiohead as much as the cohort undoubtedly will (no surprises there, geddit).

Best regards,

​An Anonymous Second Year and Radiohead fanatic xoxo

Anonymous is a second year JD student and apparent Radiohead fan.