Issue 4, Volume 17
So this sucks. Obviously. But as my high-school German exchange partner’s sister’s husband would say ‘Wat mutt, dat mutt’ . In the spirit of Germanic optimism here is a list of ways to take advantage of the opportunity that social distancing has presented:
That’s all for now, kids. Stay inside, and wash your hands! 
Ex oh ex oh, Aila Ayi
 This is a Low (Northern) German dialect version of ‘was muss sein, muss sein’ which basically translates to what has to be, has to be. Although upon further googling for a more fluent translation I came across the saying ‘needs must when the devil drives’ which, of course, I had never heard of. Turns out it has been around since circa 1420 in the form of “He must nedys go that the deuell dryues...” from Assembly of Gods, and then again in Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well:
Countess: Tell me thy reason why thou wilt marry.
Clown: My poor body, madam, requires it: I am driven on by the flesh; and he must needs go that the devil drives.
(Is this clown basically saying that he wants to get laid? Dr Norman Swan advised against casual sex in an episode of ABC’s Coronacast so we’ll all be sympathising with this clown soon.)
 Laba garlic is essentially raw garlic soaked in vinegar. It is delicious but will come out of your pores for weeks after consuming.
 My grandpa, for all you white folk out there. I am not even close to being the most culinarily strange in my family.
 Except if you want to eat it with bat. Ffs, don’t do that.
 If you live with other humans get them to also consume garlic and you will all be happy. Now is not the time to break up.
 You can’t.
 You still can’t.
 I would personally not recommend traipsing up and down your stairs in 11cm heels and a tight pencil skirt. I tried. It did not end well.
 😈 (devil emoji)
 That said, I will not be taking up meditation. Not now. Not ever. Napping on the other hand? I could get used to a post lunch siesta.
 Is no one else bothered by our apparent lack of hygiene pre- corona? The hygiene practices we should probably keep.
Aila Ayi an anonymous second-year JD student.