Volume 10, Issue 7
Dear Equity Uncle,
Call me a stickler, but there’s been a real decline in law school decorum of late. Of course, there are the classic library-talkers and mezzanine-lifters. But it’s getting worse. Students for 11am classes barge in before the 9am-ers can exit. I even saw a guy Tindering on his laptop (what’s wrong with his phone?) in the front row during class!
What is the world coming to?
Decorum is very much Equity’s bag. Decorum and that new Facebook group, ‘Items of Melbourne Law School’. What a blast.
But sometimes one cannot fight decorum with decorum. And there, my dear Martin, you are at a crossroads.
Fear not though, Equity will not suffer a wrong without a remedy. And here it is not Equity himself, but equityquette, that will come to your aid.
Equityquette is to decorum as a few packs of Mi Goreng are to a quinoa salad. They achieve more or less the same thing but one doesn’t give a shit about orangutans. Equityquette demands innovation, persistence, and not a small amount of moral depravity when approaching situations like your own.
You could employ a little equityquette, for example, by swapping all the buttons on the lift, thus giving your peers the option between a flight of stairs and a bingo-style journey through time and vertical space. Library talkers should be named and shamed. And classroom bargers would feel the full force of the chapter on equitable remedies should it be placed above the door sill!
Equity must put you on notice as regards the cleanliness of your hands, but notes that his eyesight has markedly diminished in recent times.
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