L is for Liars

CHARLES HOPKINS
Volume 1, Issue 6 (Originally Published on 1 April 2012)
 
Last week, my dad told me I was adopted.
 
Do you know what it’s like? Discovering you’ve been lied to your whole life?
 
I don’t. That didn’t happen. April Fools.
 
But you know what happens all too frequently?! People lying about law-school stuff. I will now present the law school’s five most frequently told lies, and demonstrate why they shouldn’t be told. If you can read ciphers you will also find a delicious recipe for passionfruit scones.
 
1: “I haven’t done the reading.”
Shut up. I saw you on level 5 last week, only mega nerds go there.
 
2: “I haven’t even started that assignment yet.”
 Then how come you had 20 questions for the lecturer during the break? No subject is that interesting.
 
This one is especially dangerous. Over the course of the degree, it seems the cohort decides on a timeframe in which it is uncool to start an assignment; to admit to starting an assignment too early is social- suicide (maybe not that bad, maybe it’s like, social-face-injury-that-takes-a-while- to-heal). It’s dangerous because impressionable people like me put off starting assignments under the sincere belief that no one has. My poor time management is other people’s fault — like my drug habit.
 
3: “I’m going to apply for clerkships because it’s good training, but I really want to do public law and help people.”
Not only are you lying to me buddy, you’re lying to yourself.
 
4: “I volunteer for X Student Society because I’m passionate about student administration.”
.................................
bahahahahahahaha.
 
5: “I’m single because it suits me right now.”

Law school and romance is like Ben Cousins and sobriety; every time it seems achievable, the law ruins everything.
 
Charles Hopkins also writes for the Murdochs because they’re super awesome people who deserve everyone’s respect. 
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