Ask Agony Aunt

AUNT MYRTLE
Volume 1, Issue 6 (Originally Published on 1 April 2012)
 
Dear Aunt Myrtle,
 
I had an affair with my Professor, and it went bad. Do you think this will affect my marks???
 
Desperate and Heartbroken
 
***
 
Dear Desperate,
 
What a devil of a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into! I would like to say that it would not affect your marks, due to your Professor’s professionalism and the anonymity surrounding submission of assignments. However, given that your Professor doinks his students, you probably can’t rely on that.
 
It also depends on what you mean by ‘went bad’ Did you split amicably, or does your Professor have a restraining order against you? Do you know what he looks like through a pane of glass while you’re standing in his garden bed? Does he have graffiti on his front fence displaying obscenities regarding his penis size? These are all questions that will impact on whether or not your marks will suffer, and indeed, whether or not you need professional help.
 
All in all, the best advice I can give you is to, in the future, not sift through your life and sleep with the exact worst person possible. The one who can determine your future with marks and references. To simplify, fingers crossed your marks are fine, but to ensure that you are fine in the future, don’t sleep with any more professors.
 
Sincerely,
 
Aunt Myrtle