L is for Line Drawing

CHARLES HOPKINS
Volume 1, Issue 8 (Originally Published 23 April 2012)
 
This is not to be confused with line-dancing – which is awesome – why did none of the DJs at law ball last night play the Nutbush?
 
What I’m peeved with this week is people drawing principled lines. Where have these lines ever gotten us? Countless denied requests for dessert before dinner, celebrity sex scenes with insufficient nudity and the subject Dispute Resolution.
 
Imagine a world without lines! I mean metaphorically speaking; a world without literal lines would just be like, blobs. But then the blobs wouldn’t have lines either so it would just be, like, one thing. The world would just be one unending blob thing.
 
Anyway, the following is a LIST of lines that should be crossed:
 
1. Rationing alcoholic drinks to avoid a hangover.
A hangover is a sign of a night well-spent. Statistics show us that middle-aged people with severe liver damage are more likely to either, a) have led a cooler life and/or, b) suffer alcoholism. So I rest my case.
 
2. Only discussing law school-related topics because  you don’t really know the person.
Small talk is bad, law small talk, or lawsmalltalk as I like to call it, is worse. My opinion (which carries significant weight because a student-run paper now publishes it once a week), is if two people are washing their hands at a unisex-sanitary-zone then it’s socially acceptable to ask them about how they feel about unisex- sanitary-zones; it’s how I make my friends.
 
3. Going home early so you can make it to class at 9am.
The only circumstance in which it’s acceptable to show up to class after law ball is if you do a post-Logies Karl Stefanovic: arrive sloshed and make inappropriate sexual advances on your colleagues. If you’re going to class and benefiting from the experience, it means you haven’t crossed line one, and are thus deemed a “loser” under the premise of this column. Yeah, pretty serious stuff. About as serious as a stern-looking cat wearing a bow tie. A polka-dot bow tie.
4. Not arguing with bouncers.
The debacle of the 2012 law ball was Eve bouncers turning students away. The line here seems to be not arguing with a figure of authority, but in this instance you always argue! Not only is it funny for onlookers, but you've got to fight for your right to karate! God I love the Beefie Boys.
 
5. Not hooking up because you go to Uni with the person.
I seek world domination through raising a super-race of lawyer babies. Don’t f**k with my plan.
 
Charles Hopkins is doing Like a Version for Triple J this Friday. Without giving anything away, he’s doing a cover