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Issue 13, Volume 18 MICHAEL FRANZ I’ve been thinking a lot about stories recently. About how they’re told, what they do and what they mean. How they are crafted, and lately in particular, how they end. If 2020 were a story, this would be a good time to start thinking about the ending. The end of week twelve, the end of semester, the end of the year. For some of us the end of our time at law school, the end of some of the friendships we made and the end of the things we did here. It is also appropriate that this week was another type of ending - the end of a lockdown that has, almost without break, dictated the shape of our city and our lives for the better part of this year. None of these are perfect or definitive endings of course. There are still all those annoying residual details such as exams, three-and a half year extensions, and that pesky global pandemic that’s still going on even if the stores have reopened. But to quote my old boss from her farewell last year, ‘it’s important to do justice to narrative arcs where we can.’  You've changed, De Min
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Issue 13, Volume 18
WILHELM HASTINGS You might be asking, “Why hasn’t DM released a playlist yet this year?” Okay, sure, nobody has asked, or been asking, but you’re getting a playlist anyway. As it’s still 2020, feel free to use this small collection of 30 songs to cry, weep, mope and maybe even do a little bit of study to. Song recommendations in the comments will be listened to and perhaps added to the playlist, so please leave your soundtracks to 2020 down below xoxo 
Issue 13, Volume 18 YILING SHEN The criminal justice system, as it stands, is not delivering great outcomes. Our prisons are rife with sexual and physical abuse, they dehumanise and stigmatise those who enter them, and if we are looking at their function as making our societies safer, they don’t even work. This project is a conceptual exploration of what an alternative model might look like. It aims to allow the conceptualisation of an intangible concept, namely restorative justice, and how it might adapt the symbology and edifice of Australia’s current justice system.  Issue 13, Volume 18 BEEZUS FUFFOON Ah yes, the year of 2020 Believe me, there was hubris aplenty We were ruled by a man, History knows as Chairman Dan, Who thought the Roadmap led to the Land of Plenty  Issue 13, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER MLS CiC Judith Marychurch today authorised a ‘targeted elimination’ pitched by her aides. Looking tired but resolute, the Assistant Dean later watched the grainy playback footage of the target structure disappearing in a cloud of debris. The compound, a share-house in Brunswick, was a known hotbed of collusion, presenting a ‘real and present threat to MLS interests’, per a spokesperson.  "We don't negotiate with colluders" Issue 12, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER Peter Dutton was once again left fuming today, as his dastardly plot was foiled by the masked hero known to society only as “Alberto”. “My law-warp machine will suck the rule of law from right across Australia! Mwahaha!” Dutton was heard to cackle, before he was interrupted by a shout from above. “Knock, knock!” Alberto boomed, dropping down from the ceiling. Grabbing hold of Dutton’s contraption, he called out, “looks like your powers have been separated” and with a flex of his muscles, ripped the machine in half.  Who is this masked vigilante? Issue 12, Volume 18 SAM LUCAS My pitch for why we need a better dialogue about data rights and algorithm regulation. Netflix’s new documentary ‘The Social Dilemma’ is a critique of the immense power Facebook and Google (“the platforms”) hold over the lives of its users, and has generated a polarised public response. In the film's wake, many have deleted their social media accounts and have changed their notification settings to reduce the distraction presented by the platforms. Others, including Facebook itself, have labelled the film ‘sensationalist’, ‘distorted’ and lacking nuanced understanding of its technology. Facebook has also pointed to its self-regulatory efforts in curbing the issues presented in ‘The Social Dilemma’. [1]  The Social Dilemma (Netflix) Issue 11, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER Unimelb professor Ian Malkin stirred awake this morning on a bed of soft loam, displacing several squirrels that had been napping on his chest. Smoothing down his lace-up linen shirt, he began casting around for his shoes, which he was sure he’d been wearing when he entered the forest grove the evening before.  Issue 11, Volume 18 XAVIER BOFFA The sudden passing of Federal Circuit Court Judge Guy Andrew has reopened an ongoing and much-needed discussion about mental health in the legal profession. While, at the time of writing, the circumstances surrounding his disappearance remain unclear, Judge Andrew’s is not the first high-profile case to shine a spotlight on these issues within our industry.  Issue 10, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER In a blow to those who knew him, and to the Monash Faculty of Law, erstwhile Dean Professor Horrigan was killed yesterday in a bare-knuckled altercation with MLS Dean Pip Nicholson.  Issue 9, Volume 18 ANONYMOUS I am Uyghur. I cannot visit the homeland of my people, as beautiful as it has been described, for fear of imprisonment or endangering my family. I cannot share nice pictures with my family because that will put them in more danger – if they are even alive. I have instead gathered a collection of publicly available photos in an attempt to put a human face to our people. For the last four years, my family have lost contact with family members in what is today known as “Xinjiang”. We know it as East Turkestan.  Uyghur boys, Kashgar in front of a statute of Chairman Mao Vice-Chancellor Decides to Cut Out The Middleman, Robs International Students at Knifepoint29/9/2020
Issue 9, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER Vice-Chancellor Duncan Maskell is an elite administrator, widely credited with saving the finances of the University of Melbourne from the worst of the COVID-19 fallout. This week, he’s spotted a new efficiency-improving move to cut overhead, and reinforce the $1,335,000,000 endowment of the University of Melbourne.  Issue 8, Volume 18 DELINNA DING Xinjiang is a place which has gained notoriety across media headlines in the past couple of months, permeating even the selective discourse of our own law school bubble. A place unknown to most this time last year, has now become a reference point for modern day cultural genocide. Most media publications about Xinjiang, on either end of the political spectrum, follow a fairly methodical and absolutist approach. The left paints a picture of a dark Nazi-esque dystopia; the right parades harmony day posters filled with dancing and plastered smiles. On all accounts, these depictions are voyeuristic. Most of them ignore, if not actively detracting from, critical engagement with the real emotional narratives which underpin the analysis of complex socio-political issues in the region. Almost all of them are unrepresentative of this place I once called home.  Del (centre) with her family in Xinjiang Issue 8, Volume 18 WINSTON BAKER In a shocking turn of events that has left MLS students reeling, Julian Sempill sat down in front of his Zoom D&E class today sporting a ‘Bintang’-branded tank-top. The unprecedented move provoked audible gasps from his audience, followed by cries of anguish. Dr. Sempill, who holds a PhD from the University of Oxford, has hitherto cultivated a reputation for unimpeachable personal grooming. His appearance today has shattered that respectable public image.  Issue 8, Volume 18 SIGOURNEY GOSS Picture this: walking up to the law building, ready to start the 2021 semester. Prepared for another year of breakdowns, fierce debates, and silently crying in the MLS library wondering why you embarked on this endless journey of torture. But as you get closer, something is different. The once stress-riddled faces of law students are now replaced by care-free, smiling students all excited to start class. And then you see it. The porta via sign, ‘coffee for JD students now free, open 24hrs’. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Once drained by the hundreds spent on coffee on top of our crippling uni debt, we are now free to drive ourselves into the ground studying for days on end, with an endless supply of caffeine.  Issue 8, Volume 18 ANONYMOUS Dear Pip, After lockdown ends, I have a couple of suggestions for you on how to improve life for students around 185 Pelham Street. Actually, I only have one. And it’s that Melbourne Law School should now be themed around Radiohead. Being Australia’s premier law school is cool and all, but I think MLS would be better suited as an “art rock tour de force”.  Image: Wikimedia Commons Issue 7, Volume 18 MICHAEL FRANZ The LSS was contacted for comment by De Minimis. Their response is included at the end of the article. Last Monday, 7th September, in a unanimous vote at the monthly committee meeting, the MULSS committee adopted a new and expanded version of the MULSS Social Media Policy - the regulations that govern acceptable use and engagement on the various LSS social media accounts including its various Facebook pages and groups. Historically, the social media policy has been a contentious subject. Following the adoption of its first iteration in 2015, De Minimis’ then Managing Editor (later EiC) Duncan Wallace wrote: “I recognise that this is a difficult area [sic] but I think it is appropriate to take a conservative approach to this issue. I would guard against introducing new and untried social media policies the effects of which are unclear. The burden of proof should be on those who argue that it is necessary to introduce censorship.”  Issue 7, Volume 18 MYSTIC MORGAAN I know you’ve heard about Mercury retrogrades, how if you’re a Gemini you’re really a two-faced bitch or how every Scorpio is obsessed with sex. But how does this all relate to clerkships? Is it really written in the stars? Now I know you’re all sick of hearing about astrology but what does it all mean? And can you really use astrology to work out whether you’ll get a clerkship? I’m here to tell you what the stars have in store for you. Also note that these predictions can apply to your sun sign as well as your ascendant/rising sign.  Issue 7, Volume 18 ANONYMOUS Dear student, RE: Your Future MultiNationale & Partners cordially invites you to the final stage of the Melbourne Intellectual Hunger Games Program 2020/2021. You have successfully compartmentalised your self-doubt and existential dread. You have even impressed your family. The prize? The looming certainty of a midlife crisis, with a one in 100 chance of an equity partnership. The final task? Discuss the following statement with reference to your corporate passion: “In the words of the late Mark Fisher it is ‘easier to imagine an end to the world than an end to capitalism’.” Feel free to use visual aids – at MultiNationale & Partners, we value lateral cognitive capacity. Finish within fifteen absent doomscrolls of your Instagram. Begin below.  Issue 6, Volume 18 ANONYMOUS I open this article, excited to see some cute pics of my puss – but wait! This isn’t a picture of Daisy, my tabby cat. This is clearly a picture of the Hon. Michael Kirby AC CMG, taken in the High Court of Australia.  Issue 5, Volume 18 ANONYMOUS The LSS was contacted for comment by De Minimis. Their response is included at the end of the article. As clerkship and graduate offer season is in full swing, JD students’ Facebook pages are in overdrive. It seems like nearly every couple of hours there is a post from the LSS or the GLSA just “letting us know” that a firm is open for applications. Or perhaps it’s an informative discussion with a firm employee and an LSS committee member, so that you can “get a feel” for what life is like at the firm. But if you’ve been following this stuff for a while, you might begin to notice that it’s only certain firms that get these posts. These firms are the ones that primarily fund the LSS, and in return the LSS spruiks them hard to us, the students. Which begs the question, just like Insta influencers in the US now must (#ad), should the LSS be disclosing when something is a sponsored post?  |
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