Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

ANISHA THOMAS

Hello, welcome, goodbye, bon voyage! This is probably the least interesting article in this issue, but it’s important, as much as we can, to do justice to narrative arcs. This article pays homage to yet another year of this glorious crusty rag, stained by the fingers of curious/bored lunch-eaters on levels one through five. Every year, De Minimis sets out its humble practice, with a dedicated vision for the year. Kidding, that would be truly luxurious for us to do. The editors of De Minimis are more often than not haphazardly trying to put together something on a weekly schedule when most of its audience and writers would much rather study (you’re a law student, of course you’re a bit of a nerd—even if there’s a dearth of Instagram content involving artfully strewn textbooks amid half-drunk glasses of wine, save for Swotvac).

Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

MAX FERGUSON

Since the airing of Four Corners’ segment “Cash Cows” in April, the issue of international students at Australian universities has been a hot topic in the media. Many of Australia’s most prestigious tertiary institutions have been accused of cashing in on the international student market, to the detriment of academic integrity, quality of education, and both international and domestic student bodies. The University of Melbourne has done little to assuage such fears, choosing instead to adopt an attitude of secrecy.

It must be stated at the outset, that the media hype around this issue has exposed some disgusting bigotry directed toward overseas students. This article in no way seeks to further this hardship, or cast any aspersions upon individuals or the countries from which they come. Rather, the goal is to contextualise the debate for all the relevant stakeholders, including international students themselves.

Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

ANONYMOUS

This article is based on my experience clerking at an unsafe law firm, going to market and securing a grad role and summer work. Based on my experiences, I hope that the following advice might be helpful to anybody currently struggling with the clerkship process.

Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

JOHNNY UDALL

And there I was, staring down the Dark Lord himself. Well, the interviewers for a graduate role at a large international firm. One partner was staring out the window, another screwing their face as my jokes flew over their head, and the HR lead was grinning as if I were the first customer in an American Apple store. The whole experience was a little creepy. I really wanted this graduate job, so I put on my best corporate face, answered their hypotheticals while channelling my inner-Elon Musk, and identified major problems in their workflows and client acquisitions that, honestly, they should have paid me for. Everything was going grand. Now, on my CV I have a cute little note about my mountaineering trips I took in my gap year. A solo glacial ascent of Norestliche Hängegletscher, Watzmann-Ostwand, summits of Steinernes Meer plateau, Mitterhorn, and a near death experience on Großvenediger. The partner who had been staring out the window suddenly got interested at this, telling me that her husband always climbs hills too, but she didn’t understand why. Apparently, it’s just too much effort for so little reward. She returned to her window.

Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

HANNAH HUNTERSMITH

*But also go to therapy
​

1. Practice self forgiveness. Try not to be so hard on yourself if you skip a gym sesh, fail a practice exam or spend too much money on an ASOS order. Step one is always to forgive and move on. There’s science behind thinking habits and the creation of stronger pathways, so always try to reinforce positive pathways. Even if you don’t mean it, physically think to yourself that it is okay and that you are okay. They will become your initial thoughts after a while.
2. Romanticise your own life. Pretend you're in a movie or that you are someone that you admire or love. Even something as mundane and boring as your morning train ride can be inspiring and adorable.
3. The best advice I was ever given. And it wasn’t even given to me, it was given to my sister, Talia, from Bridget Jones (that is her actual name) and if for some reason this makes it to her — thank you, you changed my whole way of thinking. “The really great thing about really big life decisions is that you don’t need to make them right away.” It’s wild. You think that these decisions need to be made right away because they feel so urgent. BUT, not only do you not have to make them right away, it is in fact the really great thing about them. Take as long as you need before you commit to dropping out.

Issue 12, Semester 2, 2019

BEN STERN

In the Mezzanine 
I find comfort from my peers
They are family 

I’m on Level 3
People here are not my friends
The silence scares me 

Ben is a Third Year JD Student.

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

KARAN DESAI

Alright folks, brace yourselves.
​
Just like Pancake Parlour's famous syrupy, multi-stacked, banana-laden, god-tier(debatable?) dessert, or (Stephen King's) Pennywise the Clown — this. is. “IT”. The big one. The doozy. What you all have been waiting for (and by 'you all’, I mean the 1 person who listened to/followed the last playlist I made — shout out to them!). The playlist to end all playlists (... because I will be graduating soon, and this 3-part series is complete).

You know how it goes: mo' money, mo' songs. Finally, this one goes out to my fellow third years, ready to leave the halls and exit the (revolving) doors of MLS for the big, wide world out there (source of the mo' money). With good feelings, with bad feelings... with ALL the feelings.
There is 1 song for each 5-day week of all 12 weeks in our 6 entire semesters = a massif 72 weeks of the JD (plus a few bonus songs for those who did summer/winter subs or are extending!).

Honestly, I think Post Malone's recent release, Hollywood's Bleeding, could've applied perfectly to the JD experience. Trust Posty to appropriate from even as niche an area as a graduate law course. But he did, and he did it well. Although for the sake of balance, there is only a single Post feature. The rest touch other, more discrete genres than 'post-Malone' (think post-punk, post-rock etc).

I tried to avoid as many clichés as possible (e.g. Vitamin C's "Graduation Song") and made this playlist as appropriate for a graduate cohort as I could. But inevitably, as we go on into our future lives, we’ll remember all the times we had together at MLS (#JD2017). And as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be departing this degree forever… so it’s only fitting that we reflect upon our lives so far.

To conclude, in the wise words of Des’ree -- ‘laife. oh laife. ohhhhh laaaaaiaiaife. ohhh laife (doo, doot doot doooo)’.

Karan is a Third Year JD Student and the 2019 De Minimis Layout Editor and Resident Playlist Creator.

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

ANONYMOUS

The queer movement and the LGBT+ community is an undeniable paradox. A movement that calls for intersectionality, diversity, and inclusiveness is awfully hostile towards anyone who doesn’t think like them, anyone who doesn’t hold the ‘right’ view. Which is anyone that doesn’t subscribe completely to their ideology by the way.

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

S. M. EAGOL

​So, it’s come to this. You’ve got about 4-5 weeks left of study for the year (or your life, if you’re lucky enough to be graduating) and you really feel that you should be knuckling down and studying hard to finish off the year strong. Or… you could procrastinate and leave everything till later, which is much more fun. Here are 10 ways to procrastinate that will leave you feeling happy enough to outweigh your guilt from not reading WorkChoices.

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

YING W

​Until recently, I hadn’t shaved in about six months. What started as a way to let my legs heal from a particularly bad bout of ingrown hairs and razor bumps had evolved into an outward proclamation of my femininity and feminism. As I have not been bestowed with the genetics of my Southeast Asian forebears, my pits, and, to a lesser extent, my legs, blossom with hair when unattended, as flowers in spring.
 
But as the weather inevitably heats up, I’ve begun a process of existential interrogation. Would I be able to work at a law firm, or any professional legal capacity, and maintain the hairiness that has brought me such joy? 

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

LESTER OAKES

If Melbourne Law School were a country, the cheeseboard would be its national dish. At any one of dozens of events throughout the year, a spread of crumbled cheddar, stilton and brie will invariably be on hand, ranging from the simple affairs of lunchtime lectures, to the thousand-dollar constructions of networking and graduate events. In addition to providing a meal replacement for impecunious students, the cheeseboard itself bears a proud history, ranging from the humble origins of dairy in prehistory, to the heights of gastronomic invention in the modern age.

Issue 11, Semester 2, 2019

SAM O'CONNOR

I recently (finally) got around to watching Netflix’s documentary on Cambridge Analytica (CA)’s use of personal data to persuade voters during the 2016 United States presidential election campaign, and the UK’s 2016 referendum on membership of the European Union. 

Issue 10, Semester 2, 2019

EDGAR BOX

For most of us, the logic governing the elevators at 185 Pelham Street appears to be the invention of a cabal of half-crazed building planners after being locked away in a basement for two weeks with nothing but a supply of opium and graphing paper. Elevators are selected and dispatched to calls seemingly at random, with no correspondence to the relative proximity between their destination and previous floors. An upward bound elevator accidentally boarded will sometimes suddenly reverse its direction of travel at your request, whilst other times you’ll be dragged the length of the building before it deigns to deposit you at your location. You might wait three minutes in the lobby at 10:30am, whilst a carriage will instantaneously materialise itself for you on level seven at 4:00pm. As law students our lives are already not our own, governed by the operation of a thousand invisible systems, from the cold Boolean preference weighting in timetable allocations, to the inscrutable calculus of aptitude testing in clerkship applications. We cannot control most of these, but we can at least shine a light into some of these hidden corners, including the rules of by which the lifts operate. In all likelihood, you don’t think too often about the lifts, but behind their seeming insanity is actually a hidden dance of mathematics — fascinating once laid bare, and even in its own way, beautiful.

Issue 10, Semester 2, 2019

FINBAR PIPER

My recent request to Melbourne Law School to disclose some basic financial and operational data was intended to inform a De Minimis article addressing the communication gap between student body and administration. I felt that by translating from policy and structure to outcome and implication, the student body would be more engaged in the institution of Melbourne Law School and invest something other than the $120,000 fees during their time here. The walls I came up against, both by email and in person, to the release of any information whatsoever led to a startled reassessment of the relationship between administration, student body, and broader society.

Rather than continuing in the more fundamental political debate about the value of knowledge as a public good, and a university’s role in administering it, I offer an apolitical proposition to Melbourne Law School: that it could and should do more for the wellbeing of its community. Not only for the sake of the community, but for the benefit of the Law School itself.

Issue 10, Semester 2, 2019

WILFRED HIGGINBOTHAM*

*Note: Author is using a pseudonym

In light of the current headlines about wage theft in the hospitality industry, I thought I’d add my two cents, in case it helps prompt anyone to take action. You should! 
​
I finally quit hospitality work about two weeks ago. I’d been in the industry for roughly five years, and during that time not one employer had managed to pay me consistently and correctly. I received a payout from one of my previous employers around a month ago. Here’s how it happened.

Issue 10, Semester 2, 2019

JACOB KAIROUZ

I was dumbstruck a few months ago when I watched an episode of Slutever entitled ‘Do Bisexual Men Exist?’. I thought the question had been solidly answered in the affirmative. I thought the real question was, ‘do hets exist? Aren’t we all bi?’ I thought we had established a consensus!
​
This certainly was a reality check. After managing to pull my head out of that bisexual fantasy world, I remembered that queers are used to having their identity policed. A TV show was seriously debating whether or not I exist. The truth hurts.

Issue 9, Semester 2, 2019

LAURA S

A little while ago, being the generous soul I am, I offered a friend a lift. And being even more kind-hearted, I gave them full control of DJing through my phone that was plugged into my aux. Obviously, this was also an exercise in trust – were they going to dig through my photos and find my selfies from when I was eighteen? Or was I giving them full license to creep through my text messages? No – worse. After a few minutes of them flicking through my playlists, they looked over at me, laughed and said ‘wow, your music taste really sucks.’

So, I laughed back, and pushed them out of the car.

Not really.

Issue 9, Semester 2, 2019

RICHY GOODLAD

Sunshine on my neck
trees whispering in the wind
Nasonex cleanses

​Richy is a First Year JD Student.

Issue 9, Semester 2, 2019

THEA WALTON

You are 
a crisp splash in the pool on a summer's day, 
sighing, sliding into freshly-washed bed sheets, 
a cold toilet seat on your soft, warm bum. 
You are not your grades. 

You are 
screaming Mr Brightside at the top of your lungs, 
laughing so hard you can't breathe, 
the moment you realise your new friends are now your good friends. 
You are not your grades. 

You are 
the first time "v" became "and", 
using Prima Facie in normal conversation, 
forgetting how to spell judg(e)ment 
You are not your grades. 

You are 
the skip of your heart when your crush texts, 
smiling at your lover from across a crowded room
a soft, gentle kiss on your neck. 
You are not your grades. 

You are 
the hole drilled in your chest when a loved one dies
and the memories you use to patch it, 
every time your parents say 'I love you'
and the first time you really hear it. 
You are not your grades. 

You are 
every moment,
every feeling, 
every breath.

You are not your grades. 

You are
so much more. 

​Thea is a First Year JD Student.

Issue 9, Semester 2, 2019

JIMI MUIRHEAD

The De Minimis editorial team revealed the other week that LSS committee members are rewarded annually with a party worth an average of $27.50 per head. It’s important to note how this remuneration compares to other societies representing law students. 
 
The Graduate Student Association declares that it provides ‘enrolled graduate students at the University of Melbourne with representation, events, training and support’ and that the organisation is ‘the heart of graduate student life’.The GSA received over $2 million a year in SSAF funding, the student services and amenities fee we all pay each year, as opposed to the reliance on corporate sponsorship by the LSS.[1] The students who sit on the GSA committee, many of whom have been law students in recent years, have been provided ‘honoraria’ payments. It is understood these have been upwards of $8,000 per member in recent years.  The GSA admit committee members are paid on their website but fail to disclose how much. The most recent available financial statements show the GSA spend roughly $130,000 on these payments every year. De Minimis contacted the GSA committee for comment recently, however they have not yet responded. 

Issue 9, Semester 2, 2019

DELINNA DING

I miss India. It's been more than a month since my internship at Human Rights Law Network as part of the subject Law and Legal Practice in Asia and I am still yet to fully process my time there. Those who know me know that I'm quite a private, but emotional person. I often find myself getting attached to my surroundings, taking things too personally, or thinking and overthinking things. It wouldn't be the first time someone pointed out to me that these are the precise attributes of lawyering which are unwelcome. After all, lawyers are supposed to be objective, unwavering, sharp – nothing less but also nothing more. But hey, I'm still working on it. 

Issue 8, Semester 2, 2019

CHARLES D

Editor's Note: With the culture war between the Mezzanine and Level 3 heating up this semester, De Minimis has decided to pick a side in the battle with a reprint of a love letter to the L3 study area, from the halcyon days of 2012.

Online Editor's Note: Mezz is better anyway xoxo

I’ve been storing this one up since February

Nothing causes me to feel as much as the level three study room: feelings of attachment and knowing, of love and security, of frustration and anxiety, at times of downright loathing. I wrote some months ago that law school is toxic for romance, but that was before I realised that I’ve developed feelings for something that are unrivalled to any I’ve experienced in my relatively short lifetime.
​
I’m in love with the level three study area.

Issue 8, Semester 2, 2019

YING WONG

Australia is on the frontlines of the climate crisis; we are witnessing it daily – extreme drought, flash flooding, cold snaps and uncontrollable bushfires. Our neighbours in the Pacific are already experiencing the dramatic effects of sea-level rise. The science is indisputable – this is a climate emergency. 

This Friday 20 September, 3 days before the UN Climate Emergency Summit, school students inspired by Swedish student Greta Thunberg are inviting the world to a Climate Strike, taking place from 2pm-4pm at Treasury Gardens in the City. 

This is a global event to show politicians that people all over the world, from all walks of life, want immediate climate action, and to stand in solidarity with those who have already been hurt by the crisis. In March, a similar event drew 1.6 million people worldwide.

The University of Melbourne have endorsed the strike, and have stated that students and staff may strike without penalty. 

If you’re nervous about attending a strike or have never done so before, there will be a Uni contingent meeting at the Wilson Hall up on main campus at 12pm which will then join the larger student contingent at the State Library at 1pm. I am not affiliated with the Unimelb Climate Strike group but write this post in my personal capacity as a concerned citizen ~genuinely stressed~ about the fate of the planet. Hope to see you there. 

Ying is a Second Year JD Student and De Min Online Editor.

Issue 8, Semester 2, 2019

MAX FERGUSON

Last Saturday evening, I went to see the Melbourne Theatre Company’s production of Golden Shield, by Melbourne-raised writer Anchuli Felicia King. King is just twenty-five years old, and went to our very own UniMelb, so I took my seat in Southbank Theatre with a feeling of hopeful anticipation. 

Based on real events, Golden Shield is a LEGAL DRAMA following two American sisters in their battle against Cisco Systems, an American tech company which had assisted in the Chinese government’s titular Golden Shield Project. The play skilfully explores a dynamic and interesting topic. King has deftly incorporated political and cultural dynamics into the legal drama framework, reinvigorating an otherwise-familiar scenario.